How to Write a Roast Speech. A great way to spice up a retirement party, bachelor party, birthday bash or even a farewell dinner is to roast the guest of honor. Affectionately mocking the man or lady of the hour will provide hilarious entertainment. Writing a roast speech is a balancing act and requires both love and sarcasm--the goal is to poke fun without hurting feelings. Here's how to write a roast speech.
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Brainstorm funny things about the guest of honor before you start writing your speech. Recall quirks, strange habits and amusing adventures the two of you share. As you're gathering material, cross off anything that might hurt his feelings--or anyone else's. You want to poke fun, but you don't want to mortally wound.
Select examples of the guest of honor's funny personality that other people at the party will also find amusing. A bizarre interest in collecting watch screws might be funny to you, but if no one else knows about this habit, it won't go over well in a roast speech. Instead, stick to morsels most likely to make other guests say, "That sure sounds like something she would do."
Begin to organize your thoughts in a speech. You can write the whole thing out or jot down talking points you'll refer to when you have the floor.
Think about different ways to deliver the roast. You could make it a funny rhyming poem or song, or organize the speech around one story with a hysterically funny punchline. Or it could be episodic--going over different moments in your relationship with the guest of honor.
Think about bringing funny props to illustrate your story. Any souvenirs from your times together would be a nice touch. You can also give the guest of honor a silly crown or other hat to wear.