Ideas for Establishing Family Rules

Establishing family rules creates safety and harmony in the home.

Each family behaves as a singular group. Every mother and father, couple or single parent needs to establish rules that provide security and love for each family member. Some rules are simply for safety--like no running in the house or jumping on a neighbor's trampoline. But other rules broach subjects like personal space, individual habits and ideas for improving the household.

Family Meeting

Meetings allow family members to listen to each other's ideas. more fun also image by Paul Moore from Fotolia.com

Conduct a family meeting around the dinner table or in a common area in your home. Allow each family member to voice his ideal set of family rules. If you have teenage children, this might include their ideal curfew times or the daily hours they may spend on the computer.

As parents, if you do not agree with your children's rules, explain why you think it should be otherwise. Explaining why a rule is important to you, and not just a way of being bossy, opens a child to hearing alternative, valid perspectives.

Make a Master List

Set rules for cleanup duties, spread evenly among family members. toys image by jedphoto from Fotolia.com

Create a rule list together. If you have a young teenager, perhaps she does not like having to clean up after her younger sibling all the time. She might suggest that after babysitting for her little brother, another family member could help clean up the toys.

Or, if mom thinks everyone in the family should meet once every month to go on a family bike ride or hike, she can suggest one weekend day everyone keeps free. Create a list so that everyone understands the origin of the rule.

Visit a Family Counselor

Talking with everyone in the family--due to distance, time constraints, or behavior issues--might create challenges for discussing rules at all. In this case, consider visiting a family therapy counselor to establish family ideals and rules.

If you live in the U.S., choose a family therapy counselor using the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy website (aamft.org), which offers local listings. In the meeting, allow a parent to explain the purpose of the visit. The therapist will select who speaks first and take care of authority issues which may be difficult in a home setting.

Points to Consider

Let the rules act as an extension of love and protection. As a parent, explain to your children--as well as your spouse--the intention of creating rules. Setting curfews and safety rules--like no night bike-rides or running in the house--lets your children know you are concerned for their health, not for dominating their playtime.

Couple Rules

Creating rules as a couple cuts stress and miscommunication. couple-playing image by JulianMay.co.uk from Fotolia.com

Factor in your marriage as an equally important piece in establishing family rules.
Decide with your spouse when to have daily personal time and private spaces for writing, reading or working on a hobby. Creating personal space solves some stress issues by building privacy, necessary in even the closest marriages.

Also, consider choosing a weekly date-night when the two of you can be alone. Your marriage, or partnership, is the keystone to the family structure. If you are a single parent, the same principle applies. Find an evening each week when you can be alone to unwind and find your center. Your strength and focus create the keystone to your family life.

References

• ParentsConnect: Making a Family Meeting

Resources

• ParentsConnect
• American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT)