How to Tell if your Boyfriend is a ZOMBIE

Have you ever had the sneaky suspicion as you gaze at that stud across the table, the man you call boyfriend, just might be a zombie? Been there? I know, I know, ME TOO! It's like a scene straight from The Night of the Living Dead! Here's some clues that might just prove your gut instincts right!

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• common sense

1. KEEPS ASKING FOR BRAIN - No no not at the end of the night when things get steamy, but for their meal. Breakfast includes lamb brains. Lunch is chicken brains. Dinner is once again baby lambs brains with veggies instead of rice, because he hates those carbs.
2. KEEPS STARING AT YOUR BRAIN - Instead of looking at the cleavage you induced with the help of your overpriced push up bra, he stare at your forehead. Oh, and he drools.
3. THE INFAMOUS FOREHEAD BITE - When they go in for a forehead kiss, you think awww how sweet, then they bite you between the eyes. Yeah, not so sweet anymore.
4. A LITTLE SUN NEVER KILLED ANYONE - He kind of looks pasty, like he hasn't been in the sun for, say you know, seven years. Ugh and that skin keeps flaking and peeling off in chunks. I know, I know, you gave him moisturize for Christmas but it's not doing any good.
5. PEEE UUUUU - And the smell! You can bathe him in skunk vomit and it would be better. You can't put your finger on it, but if someone suggested decaying flesh, you'd go, "Yes! That's it! That's exactly the smell"
6. INCOHERENT SPEECH - He doesn't talk in complete sentences. Ok now a days guys do that a lot. Breast...pretty..you look...Butt..me want. But it's more like this one constant word pops up all the time. Brain...me want brain..me eat brain..brain.
7. THE TELLING SHUFFLE - He walks funny. There's this shuffling thing he does with his feet. Like one is heavier than the other. And sometimes his hands are out in front of him. Dude, you can't take him anywhere cause it's so embarrassing. It's like talking to a kid, you're constantly like "Sit up straight! Walk straight! Put your hands down, you baboon!"
8. WHERES??? - Oh man and things goes missing! Like your little puppy Scooter, and your Grandma Rascal! It's no coincidence! I bet if you look for their remaining body parts you'll find them in the back yard behind the rose bushes.
9. HI IM A ZOMBIE - If he introduces himself as Donald Trump, an heir to the Wal-MArt chain, or the lead singer of a band then he is definitely a zombie. Oh I'm sorry, wait, I got confused, those are the soul-less. Ok he introduced him as Brian the Brain Eater from Nantucket circa 1825, maybe, maybe.
10. LOVE , SWEET, LOVE - But hey if you're in love who am I to judge? If he makes you happy I say go for it! Oh and if you invite me to the wedding, I promise to attend. I'll be the girl wearing a helmet to protect my precious noggin'. And hey! Who cares what your friends and family will say he'll just eat them anyway.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't sleep in the same bed with him, when you fall asleep you might be missing your cerebral cortex, and you need that.