How to Keep Your Cool When You Are Criticized

No matter what you say, it is never easy to be criticized. Here are some helpful hints on how to take the heat.

Difficulty: Moderately challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Stress Relief Products

1. Show the person doing the criticizing that you heard his or her criticism, by pausing, nodding or giving some sort of verbal acknowledgment.

2. Ask for more information about the criticizer's comments to give you both time to cool down. Try to look for the criticizer's positive intent.

3. Reply with your perspective. Remain calm, and the other person, if agitated, will eventually calm down, too; it will be embarrassing to lose his or her cool while you remain relaxed.

4. Listen for commonalities between your perspective and your critic's, and build from them.

5. Ask for comments on your viewpoint.

6. Try rephrasing your ideas.

7. Demonstrate your desire to find a compromise. Look for what the criticizer's real objection is and how you can solve it; ask if he or she has a solution in mind.

8. Remember that you can't always please everyone. Ask yourself whether there's truth in your critic's complaints, or whether this may be someone you just can't make happy.

Tips & Warnings

• If you believe you're being lied to, ask your critic some questions and attempt to discern what is true or false.
• Take the Meyers-Briggs personality test for free over the Internet. You might discover that what's going on is a personality clash rather than a conflict about you as such.
• If you can't keep your cool, ask for the meeting to be rescheduled so that you can listen without losing your temper.
• If you find yourself overreacting to the criticism, it's usually because you're afraid of losing something. What is it? Are your fears valid?
• If you encounter conflict frequently, you may be very stressed. Consider counseling, or try settling down with some aromatherapy or other stress-management devices.
• Avoid interrupting with defensive remarks. When people feel they aren't being heard, they will only come on stronger.
• Often, people criticize without referring to an underlying conflict. If you don't figure out what the real conflict is, you'll never resolve the problem.
• If you embarrass the critic, you may lose his or her attention.

[anar]

on 9/12/2009 this site is so helpful folks!hope everybody gets to read the articles here especially those who are experiencing criticisms and problems at work.God bless the author....

[lee-lee]

on 7/8/2009 Thank you all! Anonymous, your last post hit the nail on the head for me -- was just "unleashed" on yesterday in a divert blame tactic. All of us need conflict resolution training --- how to identify and discuss a problem and its solution without playing "tag, you're it" when something goes wrong at the office. Things go wrong every minute, every day - much more productive to look for solutions rather than looking for someone to blame for the problem.

[willowman1]

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[Jayani]

on 11/27/2008 If it's beyond your limit to handle, go and report it to your immediate superior officer

on 9/6/2006 When you are being criticized, there is always a possibility that the person is 1) being truthful and wants to help you, or is 2) manipulative and hurtful and wants to harm you emotionally.

One cannot assess the true nature of the "criticizer" at the time of confrontation. The best way to decipher the person's intentions is to 1) remain calm, 2) nod or express comprehension, and 3) avoid comments like "I know", or "I knew that", or "of course", etc. Phrases like those, indicate that you have a need to "always have the last word." Such narcissistic behavior can stimulate further frustration from the criticizer and prolong the confrontation. After you have calmed down, wait 2 days to re-evaluate the conversation. At this point, you can determine the person's true intentions and act accordingly.