How to Choose a Beard Style

Tolstoy, Dickens, Lincoln, ZZ Top ... some are recognized nearly as much for their beards as they are their accomplishments. All men, at some point during their post-pubescent lives, have wanted facial hair. But not all men can grow it like the iconic beards of yore, and some who can simply look better without. However, if you have to shave once a day and admire Rick Rubin, then there's probably a beard style out there for you. Choosing which one suits you is the only real question. And it's an important one because, like Honest Abe, once grown, people will come to associate you with it for years to come.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• The ability to grow facial hair
• A beard trimmer (maybe)
• Patience

1. Examine the shape of your face. Of course, you know what you look like. You've been looking at yourself multiple times daily for as long as you can remember. But you may not have looked at yourself with beard growing in mind. Is your face round? Do you have a square jaw? Is your mouth particularly small? These are important features of which to take note.
2. Stop shaving. This is the most obvious step, but oftentimes it isn't carried out far enough. Some choose to wear a goatee, and shave the outline of it after just a few days. This practice prevents the potentially hirsute from realizing the potential of other styles, though.
3. After two weeks, re-examine your face. The two-week hurdle is a tough one. By 14 days in, you will have gone through two different bouts of itching -- one at about four days, and another at day 12 or so. You'll also begin to look dirty and possibly homeless. Everyone does, and it's fine. Don't be deterred. It's simply the awkward in-between stage where nothing looks right, feels right and your self-conscious in public ... like adolescence.
4. Determine growth patterns. Upon re-examining your face, see where the hair grows and grows best. Some have chest hair that carries right on up to their nose. Others have sparse cheek growth. Some notice their mustache doesn't reach to their chin. Recognize your strengths, and shape accordingly.
5. Outline your beard. This is where you define the beard. If you feel you can muster a full, Cat Stevens mane, it might be a good idea to shave the topside of your cheeks, by the cheek bone, and down at your neckline. At your neck, it should be about where your turkey waddle meets your throat. Full beards should (almost) only be attempted if there's good cheek growth, little to no bare patches, and mustache-to-chin connection. If you have a round face, it might be a good idea to trim your cheeks just a hair -- pun intended -- shorter than your chin. This will square out your face and make it appear thinner. Goatees can do the same. In fact, if your cheeks are particularly bare, try a goatee. If your mustache is weak, try the Lincoln. If your sideburns don't grow seamlessly into your hairline, you might try the "mountain goatee". This is a neologism (as of this moment) for full goatee, nearing a beard. With this, shave as you would for a goatee, but rather than trimming from the side of your mouth, let it grow out about even with you cheek bone, and shave down at an angle toward the corner of your jaw, leaving only the sideburn bare.
6. Let it grow confidently. Once you've chosen a style, let it grow without hesitation. Even after the length has reached beard status, you might still need some growth to fill in a small naked spot on your face or connect your 'stache to your chin.
7. This is a nebulous step, offering a few examples of who should be growing what. If you enjoy the outdoors or heavy metal, then you might opt for a full, wild beard. If you're a hipster, you likely won't admit that you are. But if you listen to obscure music until it's popular, feign interest in contemporary art, where tight clothes and pretend you're poor despite your trust fund -- and you think I'm making fun of someone else right now -- then you should be growing a neatly trimmed, short beard. "Neatly" actually means "strategically" here. You don't want it too full because you're too vain and insecure to grow a full beard. But you also don't want it to look like you care. Try giving it a once over with the clippers at two different lengths. This will allow a few longer gnarly hairs to jut out. Think of it as the bed-head look for the face. If you like going to clubs, listening to dance music and objectifying women, you should probably go with a tightly trimmed goatee. Or a chinstrap. Those are particularly lame. If you live in Scranton, Pa., Abilene, Texas, or Fresno, Ca., go for a mustache.

Tips & Warnings

• Have faith in your growth. Sometimes portions of your face take longer to grow than others.
• Don't worry about what people will think. For a few days, people will ask if you're growing a beard. And that's OK, because you are. After that, no one will care, even if you look bad.
• Don't shave too soon. Most people get frightened by their look, thinking they can't pull it off. Really, they could have been a week away from beard nirvana, but they gave up. Don't be one of those. If, after six to eight weeks, it's still not working out for you, maybe you should be clean-shaven instead.