How to Cope When a Spouse is Deployed

When your spouse is a member of the Armed Forces, you should be prepared for him to be deployed. But knowing it will happen doesn't make it any easier. There's several steps you can take to make the deployment less difficult to cope with.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Plan to have some special time alone together before your spouse leaves. If you have kids, make sure to have plenty of quality family time together. Create good memories that will help you remember the good times when your husband or wife deploys. Take pictures to look at when you need a pick-me-up.

2. Be prepared for a wave of emotions ranging from anger to fear to sadness. Know that your feeling don't mean you aren't being supportive of your spouse. Talk with your spouse. Talk honestly and often with your children about the deployment.

3. Get the legal stuff taken care of. As difficult as it may be to think about something devastating happening, it's important that the deploying soldier have an up-to-date will. Write down the information you will need to contact your spouse in the case of an emergency.

4. Discuss the budget and bills and make sure you will be able to have full control over the finances while your spouse is overseas. You can set up direct payments for many loans and other bills to save time. If your spouse was in charge of filing taxes, be prepared to learn how or contact an accountant.

5. Talk about your cars. If you have multiple cars, you should make plans to maintain your spouse's car if you intend to keep it. You also might want to talk to your insurance company about your options.

6. Before your spouse is deployed, find someone you can talk to. If you live on a military installation, there are support groups available. You can also lean on friends or family. There are many online support groups that will allow you to anonymously express your fears when you need to.

7. Sign up for a unit newsletter if there is one.

8. If you have children, find out what child care services are available.

9. Learn the signs of depression and distress. Watch for them in your kids and yourself during the deployment.

10. Pick up a new hobby to keep busy during the deployment. Participating in a recreational sports league or book club is a great way to meet new people and stay active. Try volunteering at a local school, animal shelter or charity organization. You could take a class at a nearby college or gym. Feed your soul by taking up painting or writing, or just indulge yourself in some good books.

11. Keep your spirits up by preparing care packages for your spouse. Include photos or drawings your children have made.

12. Remember that while phone calls and emails are great, sometimes the best form of communication while two people are away from one another is writing letters.

Tips & Warnings

• If you are separated for a holiday, simply delay it. There's nothing wrong with having Christmas in March if that holiday is special for your family.
• Know that no two people go through exactly the same thing during a separation. Do what feels right to you, and don't get angry if your kids or spouse doesn't feel the same way you do.
• Don't be embarrassed about talking to a medical professional if you feel you or your children may be experiencing depression or anxiety.