How to Endure Holiday Season After Child Abuse

The holidays are a particularly difficult time for many adult survivors of child abuse. For abused children, the holiday season is a painful time. Contact is severed with positive influences, such as friends and teachers, leaving the child in the hands of his abusers for weeks with no reprieve. Because the child had so many negative associations with the holidays, the survivor of child abuse grows into an adult who feels anxious and depressed as the holidays roll around. As adult friends become busy with their own families during the holiday season, the child abuse survivor feels as if he is being abandoned again. Here is how to endure the holiday season after child abuse.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Make plans in advance. Schedule things you enjoy throughout the holiday season, such as meeting a friend for lunch, getting a pedicure, going to a movie or engaging in a favorite hobby. Seeing these appointments written down on your calendar will give you something to look forward to and will help you feel less alone.

2. Confide in a friend or therapist. The people in your life will not know how difficult the holiday season is for you unless you tell them. Even though people stay very busy during the holiday season, a good friend will make time to meet you for lunch if she knows that you are struggling at this time of year.

3. Grieve your childhood. One reason you continue to feel pain during the holiday season is because you have not yet grieved the agony that you suffered as a child. Set aside some time to allow yourself to feel the very deep pain. The grief might feel unbearable, but remember that emotions pass. When you allow yourself to feel the very deep pain, you are rubbing healing salve all over your deepest emotional wounds.

4. Choose positive thoughts. Choosing to stop the negative internal chatter, such as "I hate this time of year," can be very challenging, but choosing to have positive thoughts can go a long way toward making the holiday season more bearable. Our thoughts channel our energy. You do not want to heap more negativity on top of what you are already feeling. Instead, choose to think about the things that are good, such as focusing on how delicious your cup of hot cocoa tastes. Making the choice to think positively about your circumstances in the moment can help get you through the holiday season.

5. Build positive memories to associate with the holidays. Watch a favorite holiday movie (or view one you have never seen before), go for a walk in the snow or engage in your favorite hobby. If you have children, start a new holiday tradition with them. As you build positive associations with the holidays, you can replace the negative ones.

6. Complete puzzles. When you are feeling depressed, engaging the thinking side of your brain by doing puzzles can help reduce the overwhelming emotions. Any type of puzzle will work, including jigsaw, crossword and Sudoku puzzles.

Tips & Warnings

• Even though the holiday season might seem endless, it will end eventually, and you will have eleven months to recover.
• Be patient with yourself. It takes time to change your negative associations into positive ones.
• Finding a qualified therapist with experience in counseling people with your abuse history is an important part of healing from child abuse. Your therapist can provide you with additional tools for enduring the holidays after child abuse.