How to Give People the Benefit of the Doubt

We've all been there--Going over the speed limit and still having someone tailgate you, a rude waitress, an overly-complaining co-worker... There are many annoyances in life that come from other people. How often do we get frustrated, angry, let it ruin our day? These irritating things do not have to seep under our skin. A solution, aside from just trying your darndest to be patient and nice regardless, goes by the title "The Benefit of the Doubt." This is a very useful and more peaceful way of handling difficult situations and people.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• An irritating, frustrating, or blood-boiling situation.

1. Assess the irritating situation and your reaction to it. Are you mildly annoyed? Frustrated? Angry? Full of rage?
2. Take a deep breath and do not indulge in your initial reaction. You cannot help your instinctual emotions, but by feeding into them you are escalating the situation and it will be difficult to follow the next steps in giving a person the benefit of the doubt.
3. Recognize that the person behind the situation is human, as you are. As humbling as it is, we have all been a cause of annoyance to someone else, we have all had our bad days and we all have our quirks.
4. Put a story with the person*. The story can be as ridiculous or as practical as you want. Are you being tailgated? Maybe the driver is late for his daughter's first ballet recital. Is the waitress extremely rude? Maybe her boyfriend just broke up with her, her rent is past due, and she has been working doubles for the last three days. These probably won't be the real triggers of their behavior, but the point is we never know what is truly going on in someone's life.
   
   *This is not necessary, but I have found it helpful and it distracts me from my emotional reaction. It can be a useful tool, or even turned into a game (Are you children in the car? Have them help you come up with possible scenarios for the cause of the offending party's behavior).
5. Be patient and kind, regardless of the real story behind the behavior. Is a coworker complaining and snapping at everyone? Try bringing her a card, flowers, or chocolate. In my own experience, this goes much further than getting mad at them or gossiping about them. Once again, you never know what is going on in their lives to cause the behavior, even if it's as little as not getting very much sleep.
   If you use kindness instead of retaliating, the situation will not ruin your day or give you a bad attitude. Even if the person does not appreciate your patience right away, they will in the long-run. And you'll be one less person getting mad at them, which is always helpful when someone is already having a bad day.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't give up!
• It can't hurt to try!
• Take note of and retell your success stories. The next time a frustrating situation comes up, remember the times when giving the benefit of the doubt worked (whether by changing another person's behavior, or by calming yourself down).