How to Let Go of a Failed Friendship

Close the door on friendships that make you unhappy.

Many people remain in the throes of toxic friendships simply because they cannot figure out how to end the situation with dignity. Although breaking up with romantic partners is a very common practice, letting go of friends is trickier territory. If your friendship isn't working for whatever reason (whether it is unhealthy competition, differing life interests or any other factor), learn how to move on from it -- without looking back.

Instructions

1. Think long and hard about everything. Avoid acting rashly when it comes to ending a failed friendship. Only take action after you have given it a lot of serious thought, because you don't want to do anything you might regret later. It can be hard to go back after you tell a friend that you want to end things. Ask yourself if ending the friendship is really what you want to do. Determine whether you are just upset in the heat of the moment, and if the circumstances are trivial. Ask yourself if what is bothering you about your friend is really that important or problematic. Take your time.

2. Determine exactly what you want to do. When letting go of a friendship, consider the degree to which you wish to part ways. Perhaps you want to restrict 100 percent of contact with this person. Maybe you want to gradually decrease how often you see the friend. If you were the best of friends before, maybe you want to change your relationship to that of casual acquaintances. Maybe you just need a temporary break from your friend.

3. Slowly stop reaching out to your friend. When you decide to let a friend go, you don't want to shock the person and turn his world upside down suddenly. Get your friend prepared for the "breakup" by gradually getting him out of your life. Avoid calling your friend, emailing him, texting him or suggesting hanging out together.

4. Communicate honestly with your friend. Gather the courage to speak directly to your friend about letting go. Ask to speak to her in a private setting (if emotions begin to run high, you want to be away from other people). Although it may be one of the most difficult things you have ever done, it is important to remain calm and relaxed as you do this. Without throwing blame or insults her way, tell her exactly how you feel, whether you feel that you have been drifting apart for some time or do not appreciate her passive aggressive personality. Be thorough and clear. Leave no room for misunderstanding. Maintain a polite temperament as you do this, as you do not want to cause intense emotions to flare up.

5. Speak firmly. When you talk to your friend about ending the friendship, keep your tone as firm as possible. Make sure that he knows you are completely serious. Do not leave him with any doubt as to where you stand. If he tries to change your mind, try not to let him sway you. If a friendship is toxic, it most likely will never change, so do not give in to any pressure.

Tips & Warnings

• Allow yourself some time to be nostalgic. Grant yourself permission to temporarily mourn the ending of your friendship. Take a look through old photograph albums of happier times. Reread funny letters you exchanged years ago. A little bit of nostalgia may help you process your complex feelings and put a lid on this chapter of your life.

• Keep busy. Breaking off a friendship can be extremely stressful. Try to manage your upset feelings by getting out into the world and being active, from starting new hobbies to concentrating on moving up in your career. Do not allow the end of a friendship to ruin your productivity, ambition and overall attitude about life.

References

• Today.com; 5 Tips to Break Off a Friendship; Gail Saltz; October 2007
• Today Relationships; How to Break Up With a Friend; Robi Ludwig; March 2010
• CBS News; How to Handle Toxic Friends; Melissa McNamara; February 2009
• "Psychology Today"; 6 Tips for Letting Go of a Toxic Friendship -- Gently; Irene S. Levine; July 2010
• "Wall Street Journal"; How to Break Up With a Friend; Elizabeth Bernstein; March 2010