- The ability to be assertive, rather than aggressive or passive, comes from understanding that as a person, you have value. This exercise can help people understand how they seem themselves and others. Begin by handing the people in your group a piece of paper and telling them to use the paper to draw a picture of themselves. Remind reluctant participants that this is not an art contest. Once the self-portraits are complete, have each person turn the paper over and write five words they would use to accurately describe themselves. Encourage them to use the first five words that come to mind. Once the participants have finished this task, place them in pairs or small groups and have them show their drawings to each other. Ask them to pay particular attention to things like how much space the drawing takes up or whether positive or negative words were used in the description. Once they have had a chance to look at other people's drawings, ask everyone to analyze their own work and share any insights with the group. Then have group members post their pictures on the wall and have everyone spend a moment writing something positive on each picture. Conclude the exercise by redistributing the pictures and allowing members to read the positive statements other people have written about them.
- Many times people do not understand the overall effect of passive, aggressive or assertive behaviors when they are attempting to accomplish a task. This exercise endeavours to demonstrate the differences in the three approaches. Ask your group for a volunteer who feels he is fairly good at being assertive. Give this person a bag of cookies. Select three other individuals from the group and take them out of the room one at a time. Tell one person to use aggression to get a portion of the cookies, tell another to use passive techniques to get the cookies, and then tell the third to use assertive behavior. Set a timer for 10 minutes and signal the selected members to begin their cookie quest. When time is up, have the group discuss the various methods used as well as their overall effectiveness.
- Once people have some idea of the differences between passive, aggressive and assertive behaviors, they must work to develop assertive behavior. One of the most effective ways to do this is through roleplaying. Spend 5 minutes practicing the use of assertive behaviors in common situations, particularly in familiar yet uncomfortable settings where the tendency may be to habitually respond in a different manner. For example, envision a situation in which you have run out of cash and you must ask the person who controls the family finances for more money. Practice requesting the money by making a short, but clear, statement. Anticipate the most likely response and repeat your original goal statement, but also acknowledge the other person's feelings. No threatening, yelling, blaming, pouting, silent hostility or crying. When you feel comfortable with that one, try imagining a situation in which a family member or close friend owes you money and you'd like her to repay the debt. Or envision a situation in which you have made an error in the family budget, causing a check to bounce and your angry partner confronts you about the mistake in a public place. Practicing assertive responses increases the likelihood of bringing about the desired outcome in any given situation.
