Ways to End a Friendship
Friendship is a gift, a beneficial relationship that can bring satisfaction to both people involved. However, sometimes one or both people change, or one individual makes a decision that the other person cannot support and which deeply conflicts with his own beliefs. At times like these or when a friendship becomes co-dependent, abusive, controlling, undesirable or otherwise not beneficial, it's wise to end the friendship in a kind and non-confrontational way.
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Make a List
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Create a list of the reasons why you want to end a friendship. Examine the reasons you've listed to make sure they're worthy of throwing away the time and energy you put into the friendship over the length of time you've known the person. Bring the list with you the next time you see the friend or use it to send a letter, email or make a phone call to the friend presenting in a clear and practical, even unemotional manner, why you believe the relationship is no longer worth continuing.
Face to Face
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Some friends whom you have known for a long time deserve a face to face meeting where you offer an explanation for why you believe that you can no longer be friends. Know beforehand why you feel you must end the friendship and communicate that to your friend in a sincere, yet straightforward manner. Consider meeting in a coffee shop or park where you will have relative privacy and not at a place where you hang out together often. Allow the friend to respond and be prepared to receive an angry, hurt reaction from your friend, especially if you believe that your decision will come as a surprise to the friend. Be firm in your decision and walk away if you have to. If there is anything of your friend's that you have in your possession, bring it to the meeting and leave it with your friend so that you have no reason to encounter each other again. Be prepared to lose some of your mutual friends, as some may take your friend's side or feel uncomfortable continuing to be your friend after you end the relationship.
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Ignore the Friend
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An alternative to direct confrontation is to simply begin ignoring the person. Don't accept invitations to go to parties, lunch or do things with the friend. Plan things with other people and develop new friends. Choose to do things with other people to put distance between yourself and the friend. Don't return calls or emails and avoid initiating contact of any kind with the person. Understand that the friend may be offended and eventually demand a reason for your behavior in a way that you can't avoid, such as a face to face meeting. Be prepared to explain why you don't want to be friends anymore in a clear, succinct manner.
Drift Apart Slowly
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A final alternative is somewhere between ignoring the friend and direct confrontation. Allow contact with the person, but keep your conversations brief. Avoid sharing anything beyond pleasantries with the person and cut her off from your social networking sites. Hang out with the person in groups when you can't avoid seeing her and don't set up times to do anything one-on-one with the person. Over time, the person should get the message that you two have just drifted apart and are no longer anything more than mere acquaintances. This approach avoids unpleasant confrontation and allows you to still have a comfortable relationship with someone that you work with or know you can't avoid on a regular basis into the future.
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