How to Share Parenting Responsibilities

The arrival of a new baby brings joy, but it can also cause an upheaval in the way things used to be done. There will be extra clothes to wash, extra dishes to do and not enough time or energy do it all. Join forces with your spouse and bring order back into your home by discussing and negotiating the responsibilities involved in raising a family.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Baby Bottles
• Cookbooks
• Romantic Greeting Cards
• Cleaning Supplies
• Garbage Cans
• Laundry Baskets
• Vacuum Cleaners
• Movie Tickets
• Pads Of Paper
• Baby Carriages
• Videos

1. Ask for help, and be very clear about what kind of help you need. Use positive action verbs to describe what you need. For example, "I want to take turns giving baths because it is too frustrating for me to do it every night."
2. Discuss your opinions about parenting and child rearing - but not in front of your child. You may be surprised to find that you and your partner have very different views about how to raise and discipline children.
3. Make a list of parenting responsibilities and household chores. Include ways in which you want to discipline your children. Ask yourselves: What chores need to be done daily? Weekly? What child care duties need to be done daily? Weekly? What kind of discipline do you want to use: time-outs, spanking, behavior charts?
4. Discuss items on the list that require immediate attention. Compromise on how chores will be done and how discipline needs will be met.
5. Divide chores evenly. Include older children in the division of chores, if appropriate.
6. Be consistent with discipline. Decide ahead of time how you are going to handle situations that arise, and back each other up every time.
7. Make time to spend as a couple. Parenting can be overwhelming and time-consuming. Remember that the children are present because of your love and desire for each other and for family. Find a responsible baby-sitter and go out on a date. Consider having the sitter come over after the kids are asleep. The children won't even know you are gone, and the sitter will just have to sit.

Tips & Warnings

• Avoid arguing by making separate lists and coming together to discuss them.
• Communicate with your partner. If some decisions are not working for you, talk about them.
• If your child sees you overruling your partner's discipline, the child will lose respect for your partner's authority.
• Seek immediate professional advice if you or your children are being verbally or physically abused by your partner.