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How to Make Polite Conversation at a Cocktail Party

By eHow Culture & Society Editor

Rate: (22 Ratings)

The art of conversation is a skill, and can be learned, practiced and perfected. So don't be nervous, just be prepared.

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Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

Books On Conversation Tips
Breath Mints

Step1

Relax.

Step2

Learn to overcome the obstacles between you and great conversations. Shyness, insecurity, language or speech problems, and nerves can be minimized through study, training or therapy.

Step3

Enrich your store of conversational topics. Current events, movies and books, food and restaurants, music, psychology, and hobbies are all rich sources.

Step4

Practice the art of conversation with people you trust. Try out a new topic, a new manner of speaking, a new interest or improved storytelling on them.

Step5

Accept their criticisms - or praise - and use that, too.

Step6

Read newspapers and magazines; watch new and different television programs; attend more plays, lectures or even classes.

Step7

Jot down what you find interesting about what you learn, people you meet and what you've read. Practice talking about those topics.

Step8

Learn some opening lines that will lead to discussions and memorize them until they come out naturally: "You know, the other day I noticed how many people wear (glasses) (all black) (the same outfits) (bad ties) .... " Or, "Did you happen to see Mark Morris' latest ballet?"

Step9

Realize that everyone else is looking for a good topic too, and they may feel as uncomfortable as you.

Step10

Ask questions of the other guests that will lead to a lively discussion. For example, "Is it true that lawyers hate to be on juries?" "Do you think Oprah's book club is silly?"

Step11

Open your eyes, ears and mind and be thrilled, shocked and delighted at the outcome.

Step12

Be outrageous, but never obnoxious.

Tips & Warnings

Try hard to read people - are they interested, grouchy, curious, smart? Use those clues to make the conversation deeper and richer.
Though this is a generalization, many people like to talk about pets, stocks, food, houses and movie stars. Most won't really love to discuss salaries, politics, religion or computers.
Learn body language. Looking people in the eye invites conversation.
Try not to be too personal, unconventional, silent or dismissive.

Comments

Anonymous said

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on 11/22/2005 One thing I've learned about talking to others is not to ask too many questions, just talk. It's cool to ask some questions, but if you do it too much, they'll think that you don't have anything to talk about.

Anonymous said

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on 11/22/2005 Instead of focusing on "making conversation" think about what you truly wonder about the different characters who will be there. That way, it is less about a script but comes from the heart. You could ask about their work and where they live to get an idea about their daily life, but at this sort of occasion it is best not to discuss work or their personal life in too much detail as they probably don't want to have to think about that too much when they are "letting their hair down". Bring the conversation back to the room with comments about the actual event.

Anonymous said

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on 8/8/2006 One thing I've learned about talking to others is not to ask too many questions, just talk. It's cool to ask some questions, but if you do it too much, they'll think that you don't have anything to talk about.

Anonymous said

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on 2/23/2006 You do not always have to start a conversation. If you see a few people talking, just go over, and stand there for a few moments, listening, smiling, and looking friendly. If they are talking about things you are familiar with, or have an interest in, just join in. You never need a script, you never have to know what to say, just say what you feel and think. Sometimes, you can even change the way the conversation is going by a few words. For instance, if they are talking about a particular new movie, and you have not seen it, just listen, and when the other party stops talking, just add, "I have seen her in another movie, did you see it?" and suddenly you will be in the conversation. If they are talking about politics, well, that's easy to give your own opinion.

The main thing about being a good conversationalist is, for you to be well read, well informed, and interested in a lot of things. Read newspapers, listen to the news on TV, know what is going on in the world, read movie reviews, as well as TV reviews, be well rounded and you will never have to know how to make conversation. It will just come naturally. Never memorize 'how to converse' just be yourself, be informed, have a nice smile, and a good firm handshake and you will have it made.

Anonymous said

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on 1/5/2006 You will feel more comfortable meeting people if you know that the conversation can be a brief one. Have a plan for gracefully disengaging from the encounter.

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