How to Deal With a Jealous Mother in Law

Communication is critical to making sure you, your husband and your mother-in-law get along.

In-laws are often a point of contention between married couples. If you are dealing with a jealous mother-in-law who feels that no woman is good enough for her precious son, you certainly have a tough situation on your hands. Sometimes, your husband may feel like he has to choose between the two of you. Avoid letting the jealous behavior of your mother-in-law negatively affect your relationship with your husband. Take control of your relationship with your difficult mother-in-law for the sake of your marriage.

Instructions

1. Think of yourself in her situation. Although it may be difficult for you to relate, try to imagine if you were a woman who feels like she has to "share" her precious son with another person. Letting go can be a difficult life change for a parent. Your husband will always be her little baby in her own mind. The better you can envision her way of thinking, the easier it can be for you to handle her jealous behavior.

2. Treat her kindly. If your mother-in-law has a jealous demeanor and treats you less than perfectly, it can be tempting to have a negative attitude toward her. However, that will get you nowhere and will probably only serve to make your husband feel stuck in the middle. Instead, go out of your way to win her over and befriend her. It can be really hard to mistreat someone who is being nice to you. Do not be afraid to get to know your mother-in-law as a person rather than simply as an "in-law." Find out about her and what makes her tick. Show interest in her life.

3. Establish boundaries. It is understandable that mothers feel the need to micromanage situations within their family, perhaps even including your marriage. If your mother-in-law is jealous, it may make her want to exert even more control over your husband and you. To avoid letting her take over your whole life, it is important to create some firm rules and boundaries. Some examples include not being afraid to say no to her, keeping some details of your life private (such as your job search) and requesting that she call you or your husband before she drops by at your home.

4. Talk to your husband. Dealing with a jealous mother-in-law can put your husband in an awkward and uncomfortable spot. Handling this situation together can be easier than if you each try to do it separately. Speak openly and candidly to your husband about how he believes you should deal with his mother. He knows her better than almost anybody in the world, and may be able to help you understand her behavior. Make him understand you do not have anything against her and that you simply wish to get along with her in peace and harmony.

Tips & Warnings

• Be patient. It may be hard for your mother-in-law to get used to you at first. Give her a little bit of time to get to know you. With some time and trust, her jealous behavior may improve.

• Keep your negative feelings about your mother-in-law separate from your husband, as they are not one and the same. Lashing out at your husband will only exacerbate an already-difficult situation.

References

• RealSimple; Dealing With Your In-Laws; If They Baby Your Husband ...;
• SheKnows: How to Deal With Your Mother-in-Law; Surviving and Thriving; Wendy T. Behary; Oct. 6, 2008
• Shine from Yahoo!; Dealing With a Difficult Mother-in-Law; Woman's Day; Kimberly Fusaro; Jan. 26, 2010
• Family Education; "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Dealing with In-Laws"; Dealing With Mother-in-Law Conflicts; Laurie E. Rozakis, Ph.D.; 1998