How to Help a Friend Whose Boyfriend Cheated

Few experiences are more difficult than learning a partner has been unfaithful.

Almost nothing is more painful to a woman, especially a young woman hoping for marriage and children, than finding out that Prince Charming has cheated on her. Although few women go through life without having this experience at least once, it's near-universality doesn't make it any easier for her to bear. What will make it easier is the presence of a caring, supportive friend who will help her through those initial weeks and months of unhppiness by being there and bolstering her self-confidence.

Instructions

1. Listen to your friend. Be with her while she cries her eyes out. Tell her what a louse the guy is and that he doesn't deserve her. Tell her she can do better. Don't, however, try to push her into too many activities; she won't feel like it and she needs time to recover. Watch "Legally Blonde" together, again, and let her laugh about the young woman who worked hard to get her boyfriend back --- and then dumped him after she realized he wasn't good enough for her.

2. Reassure her that she is attractive and lovable. Point out that both Jackie Kennedy and Princess Diana were both far more beautiful than the women their husbands cheated with. If a man is the cheating type, he will cheat no matter who he is seeing. Tell her that many men separate sex and love. Infidelity doesn't mean he doesn't love her. It just means that he was being led by his hormones rather than his heart at the time.

3. Advise her to feign indifference to him and his cheating. As the science fiction writer Joan Vinge once said, "Indifference is the strongest force in the universe. It makes everything it touches meaningless. Love and hate don't stand a chance against it" If your girlfriend confronts him with tears in her eyes, she not only loses her dignity, she has reassured him of his desirability. If she acts like she doesn't care about the cheating, the man will assume that she doesn't care about him. It is the ultimate insult.

4. Encourage her to look her best. Accompany her on shopping trips and visits to the nail salon. Infidelity is bruising, and looking her best will restore some of her confidence. This is a good strategy regardless of whether she wants to reconcile with him or find someone else. If she wants to get back together with him, she wants to give the other woman competition. If she wants to find someone else, she wants to attract potential partners. Looking good will also inform Mr. Wrong that she is perfectly happy without him.

5. Urge her to heal before she begins dating again. Unhappy people who fling themselves into new relationships will only hurt themselves. At the same time, explore ways of healing and finding someone else as soon as possible. Not only will she cease caring about the unfaithful man, she will get a kind of indirect revenge. Even people who decide to leave a relationship feel a twinge of jealousy when the other partner finds a new love. This has closed off an option in his life because he can no longer change his mind and come back. It will sting. Suggest that she take college courses, do animal rescue or help abused children. The men she meets through these activities will almost always be kind, large-hearted men who will not only help her get over the hurt but make her positively glad the Lothario is out of her life.

References

• Search Quotes: Joan Vinge Quotes