How to Get Rid of Backbiters


Have you ever found out that a friend was talking about you behind your back? The feeling can be gutting, rage-inducing and may give you a burning desire for revenge. However, instead of sinking to the level of backbiters, just get rid of them. Keeping venomous people in your life will poison it. Everyone makes mistakes, and those friends who harm you unintentionally should be forgiven, but if someone keeps intentionally talking about you behind your back, it's time to do something about it.

  • Identify the backbiter. Sometimes it may feel like someone is out to get you, but it may turn out to be one big misunderstanding. If you think a friend has been talking about you behind your back, talk to him about it. If he insists it isn't true, give him the benefit of the doubt. If this happens again repeatedly, you have identified your backbiter.

  • Find allies. Find a neutral friend who has not been talking about you behind your back, and ask her to stand up for you. Times like these are when you find out who your true friends are.

  • Confront the backbiter. This is not your opportunity to get revenge. Revenge is for those who want to stoop to the low level of the backbiter. The confrontation should preferably be face to face because online messages and texts will get forwarded, making the whole thing a spectacle for others. Meet the person gossiping about you one on one. This way, no side can gang up on the other. Tell him that you know what he has been saying about you, and for that reason, you no longer want him in your life.

  • Listen to what she has to say, but don't fall for the excuses, lies or guilt trip. Backbiters like to gossip about people but don't like to be confronted. If they liked confrontation, they'd say everything to your face. If this person has been repeatedly talking about you behind your back, don't fall for the lies now. Don't fall for a guilt trip, either, because she may try to convince you that you're the one who's been a bad friend for believing that she's been gossiping about you. Remember that you have evidence and that you have already given her chances.

  • Walk away, and cut the backbiter out of your life for good. Don't try to get even by gossiping about him. Don't talk about him at all with anyone. Once you have said what you needed to say to his face, don't speak about the issue at all.

  • Get rid of the chain gang. Stop talking to the people forwarding the gossip about you. These people can do as much damage to your life as the original backbiter.

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