How to Make a Guy Who Cares Communicate His Feelings

Sharing his feelings involves quality time.

If you know that your guy cares but you are having trouble getting him to share what is really on his heart, it is time to consider what you can do to help the situation.You have an important role in whether you succeed in getting him to talk about those feelings.

Instructions

1. Pick a good time. Consider what part of the day is the best time to get your guy to talk to you. Is he a morning or night person? The best way for you to find out when he is most comfortable sharing is to ask him. A guy's mood has a significant impact on whether he will feel comfortable sharing his feelings. If he is thinking about the stress of his day or how tired he is, it will be difficult for him to explain his emotions. If you pick a time that he has already identified is a good time for him to talk, then you convey respect for him.

2. Set the tone. In order for a guy to feel safe to share his feelings, he needs to know that he is respected. To a man, when you communicate respect you are really conveying love. Create a safe place where he does not feel the pressure of having to say what he thinks you want to hear. Tell him that you care about his thoughts and feelings. Re-assure him that sharing all of his feelings at once isn't necessary but sharing some helps you to know how to encourage him. To show that you value his time, avoid distractions like phone calls, texts, e-mails and any other interruptions.

3. Ask open-ended questions. Avoid asking questions that can be answered with a "yes" or "no." If they can answer it with one word, then quiet guys will do so. So, if you want to know how your guy is really feeling, than ask questions that begin with "How" and "What." Examples are, "How did that make you feel?" or "What kinds of feelings did that bring up?"

4. 

   Nonverbal cues are important to being a good listener.

   Listen without interrupting, judging or criticizing. Guys need to know that you are really hearing what they are saying in order for them to feel safe to continue to share their feelings. Avoid thinking about what you are going to say after he stops talking. Instead, think about what he is sharing. Allow your body language to express that you are listening. This might include head nodding, maintaining eye contact, and keeping your arms uncrossed.

5. Affirm his feelings. It is important to validate your guy's feelings. Do this by repeating back to him what he said in your own words or explaining the parts of what he said that really stood out to you. Let him know that you respect him more because he is willing to let you know how he feels and that you value him. Thank him for sharing.

Tips & Warnings

• If you have frequent arguments with your guy, be sure to let him know that the reason you want to hear about his feelings is not because he has done something wrong but that you just want to know him better.

References

• "For Women Only"; Shaunti Feldhahn; 2004
• "Love & Respect"; Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D.; 2004

Resources

• "The Male Brain"; Louann Brizendine, M.D.; 2011