How to Make Shared Custody Work

By eHow Legal Editor

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The key to making shared custody a success is hard work, rules and schedules. Expect it to be frustrating, difficult but very rewarding for your child.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Step1
Realize that although you and your partner can no longer function as a couple you must continue to function as parents together. Put aside your anger and hurt, and resolve to work together for the good of your child.
Step2
Expect to have disagreements. After all, you did split up for a reason. When you disagree, try not to do so in front of your child, and try to find a way to compromise. It is too late to hope to change each other. You need to learn to focus on your child together.
Step3
Talk to the other parent. You and your ex-spouse must find a way to communicate with each other if you are to parent together. If you cannot communicate, you cannot parent effectively as a team.
Step4
Bite your tongue. Learn not to pursue every argument that comes up. Think of shared custody as a job you must get done. You can't accomplish your work if you spend all your time arguing.
Step5
Make a list of rules to follow as parenting partners. For example, no arguing in front of the child, be polite to each other, be considerate of the other person when possible and, most importantly, put your child first.
Step6
Form some ground rules about things such as bedtime, how much television is allowed, when homework must be done, etc., and follow them in both houses. Having two sets of rules is too confusing for children. Have some rules for yourselves, as well, such as who will wash the child's clothes, where school and sports equipment will be kept, who will buy clothes, etc.
Step7
Set up a schedule, and follow it. Sit down with a calendar, and decide where the child will be each day. Write it down, and make sure you both keep a copy. Make a schedule that will be easy to remember and easy to follow. You don't want it to be different each week.
Step8
Be flexible. Realize that things are going to come up and changes will have to be made to the schedule to accommodate you, your child and the other parent. The more relaxed and cooperative you both are about this, the easier it will be.
Step9
Plan out a procedure for requesting schedule changes. For example, all nonemergency changes must be requested at least 24 hours in advance.
Step10
Consider your child's feelings. Many children feel strongly about wanting to have one home base, and experts often say that it is best if a child has one place to call home. Do everything you can to make your child feel comfortable.
Step11
Work around your child's activities. Don't make your child miss soccer practice because it is the other parent's afternoon. Keeping your child involved in activities will help to normalize the situation for him or her.
Step12
Get help if you need it. It can be helpful to work with a mediator to resolve schedule disputes. It can also be helpful to see a couple's therapist for help in learning to work together as co-parents.

Tips & Warnings

  • Don't expect shared custody to go smoothly in the beginning. All of you will have to learn to adjust to it. Be patient with the situation.
  • If after a while the situation is not working, talk to your attorney about getting the custody situation changed.
  • Feel good about yourself. By having shared custody you are giving your child access to both parents. Although it may be difficult, it is one of the best things you can do for your child.
  • If your ex-spouse is or has been abusive, you should rethink shared custody. Keeping your child safe takes precedence over all else.
  • If you suspect your child has been mistreated by the other parent, you need to contact the police and the local child protective agency.

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on 2/17/2008 Goldberg & Associates is a medical legal consulting practice
that helps protect children from a unique form of Child Abuse
known as Parental Alienation or Parental Alienation Syndrome.

Please visit our website for help:
www.Parentalalienation.ca
Our phone number is 905-481-0367

Cases of Parental Alienation, often include false allegations of
abuse against a non-custodial parent.

Many times the police and the CPS are contacted to investigate
these reports, but most of the time the finding is that the reports
were unfounded.

The reason there are so many false abuse reports, is because
the abusing parent, is trying to deflect attention away from what
they are doing to the child.

The truth is that the abusing parent is covering up their abuse by
discrediting the non -custodial parent. Only Court intervention will
be able to stop this form of ab

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eHow Article:  How to Make Shared Custody Work

eHow Legal Editor

eHow Legal Editor

Category: Legal

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