How to Forgive My Husband for Things He Did Before We Got Married

There are things you can do to forgive your husband's past.

Forgiveness is essential in a healthy marriage. When you don't forgive your partner, resentment can build up and acts like a toxin in the relationship. No matter what your husband may have done before you got married, it is possible for you to forgive him. It is a different story, however, if the husband is repeating a serious wrongdoing, such as having affairs, in his current marriage. In that event, you can still forgive but also choose not to stay in an unhealthy relationship.

Things You'll Need

• A willing attitude

Instructions

Make A Conscious Decision

1. The first step in forgiving your husband is to make a conscious decision to do so for the sake of the relationship, as well as for your own sake. Recognize that there will be problems in the marriage as long as resentment remains. Anger and bitterness can affect your emotional well-being and your physical health so when you choose to forgive, you will be doing yourself a favor as well as improving your relationship.

2. Try to be empathic about whatever your husband did before you got married. Perhaps he was immature then and he is older and wiser now. Perhaps he was under a lot of stress at the time. Try to understand how he could have acted a certain way as it makes it easier to forgive a wrongdoing, especially if you can put yourself in the same position and truly empathize with the person.

3. Make a list of all your husband's strengths and good qualities. Remind yourself of all the reasons you married this man. Write down all the ways you two are compatible and right for each other. Choose to appreciate the positive aspects of the relationship. Recognize that just because he behaved one way when he was younger, does not mean he will repeat that behavior now or in the future.

4. Change your focus to the present as opposed to focusing on the past which cannot be undone or changed. Trust is a decision, for example. If your husband was unfaithful to a girlfriend in the past but he has never given you any reason to suspect that he is cheating on you, try making a daily, conscious decision to trust him until you ever a valid reason not to. Otherwise, you will always be suspicious and never have any peace within yourself. Constant doubt can destroy a relationship.

5. Tell your husband how you feel about what he did in the past and how you currently feel about it. Ask him how he knows he won't repeat that behavior with you in the present. For example, if he was unfaithful to a former girlfriend, he can call you when he knows he is going to be late from work or allow you to check his email or text messages if need be. It is OK to tell him that you will not tolerate that kind of behavior in your marriage.

Tips & Warnings

• Forgiveness does not mean consent or approval so let your partner know that while you choose to forgive him, that doesn't mean you would accept the same kind of behavior again. If you are still having trouble forgiving your husband, consider seeking professional help. You also have the option of going for marital counseling together as a couple.

• Be aware that some behaviors committed in the past with former girlfriends or ex-wives may be red flags. This would include any kind of abuse such as emotional, verbal, physical or financial abuse -- no abuse should ever be tolerated. Alternatively, if your husband has always been unfaithful to every woman he has had a relationship with, you need to be aware that the pattern may continue. People can change so give him a chance and forgive, but do be aware of tell-tale signs like not accounting for his whereabouts for long periods of time or frequently staying up all night on the Internet, going out of town a lot and text messages from other women.

References

• IMarketingBiz: Forgiving Your Cheating Husband
• My Distant Love: Forgiving Your Spouse