How to Help Women Break Away From Abusive Relationships
Breaking the cycle of domestic violence is daunting enough for women caught up in it. The dilemma is equally formidable for friends, family members and coworkers unsure of how to respond. Expressing support is only half the battle, though. Recognizing the stages that women undergo before they decide to leave is crucial in helping them make that choice and escape an abusive relationship before it turns deadly.
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Things You'll Need
- Battered women's shelter
- Counselor
- Divorce lawyer
- Financial plan
- Safety plan
Instructions
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Recognize the Signs
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Helping friends and loved ones recognize that they are being abused is the first step. Many people in abusive relationships often accept them as normal, especially if they grew up in a setting where such behavior was common, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH) website. Let them know they deserve a healthy, nonabusive relationship.
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Be ready to listen and offer advice in a nonjudgmental way, but respect whatever decisions a friend or loved one makes. Victims stay in abusive relationships for many reasons, ranging from fear of poverty to lack of alternatives, or short-term positive changes in the abuser's behavior, the NDVH notes.
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Recognize how a woman's decision-making process works, as outlined in a University of Illinois study published on medicalnewstoday.com in November 2007. The researchers identified five distinct steps, with the key transition occurring when women began planning how they would leave the person abusing them.
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Encourage victims to participate in activities outside of the relationship. Social isolation is a classic technique that abusers use to control their partners, according to the NDVH. This step also gives victims an opportunity to build support networks they will need to draw on, once they actually leave the relationship.
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Avoid getting angry with friends or loved ones who do not leave quickly enough. Abusive relationships have many peaks and valleys, in which both partners may hold equally unrealistic expectations of each other's behavior, as PBS noted in a posting for its documentary, "No Safe Place: Violence Against Women."
Help Someone Take Action
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Find other people who can provide common sense advice, such as counselors, or representatives of battered women's shelters, the NDVH advises. While especially beneficial for people caught up in abusive relationships, this approach will also leave you feeling less overwhelmed in trying to help someone else.
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Ease the stresses of leaving in small, but powerful ways. Offer to hold documents or valuables that the victim can reclaim later. If a shelter does not exist, or is unavailable, help victims find an alternate place to stay, such as a friend's house. Recommend a divorce lawyer to help deal with the legal implications of ending the relationship.
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Help victims devise a safety plan to follow, before the next round of abusive behavior kicks in. As the University of Illinois researchers learned, tying plans to decision-making stages--such as the leap from contemplation to action, for example--has the best chance of producing a positive outcome, according to the medicalnewstoday.com story.
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Acknowledge the emotional and mental difficulties involved in separating from an abusive relationship. Victims may feel especially lonely or vulnerable once they do leave, the NDVH notes. Stand ready to support them emotionally after those feelings surface.
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Tips & Warnings
Accept that you cannot "rescue" someone who is experiencing a particularly violent period. Ultimately, a victim must decide to seek out help before the abuse will end. Your role is to help and support them once they make that decision.
Cycles of abuse do not improve on their own. Women may deceive themselves into thinking that their situation will improve, while abusive men may suddenly turn remorseful and dependent, when the need arises. However, only awareness and professional help can start to break those cycles.
