How to Calm Jealousy
The green-eyed monster strikes everyone from time to time, and there's a reason why Shakespeare based an entire tragedy around it. Jealousy is toxic to any relationship: destroying trust, disrupting communication, and raising walls between people which may never be broken down. You can calm a jealous person down--or calm yourself down if you're the one beset by jealousy--but it takes work and a willingness on the part of both parties to contribute to a solution.
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Instructions
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Recognize and acknowledge the issue. Like every other problem, jealousy doesn't go away if you ignore it. Step outside yourself, look at your feelings objectively, and identify them for what they are. In particular, analyze your feelings in regard to your relationship, and ask if your jealousy feeds into any fears surrounding those feelings. By confronting the problem, you take the first real step towards resolving it.
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Understand that prying, spying, or otherwise interfering with your partner doesn't improve the situation and may make things worse. If she is cheating, she will find ways to cheat. Relentlessly pursuing her only fosters the inherent distrust in the situation, and if your jealousy is unfounded, it will create rifts where none previously existed.
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Stop comparing yourself to other people. Everyone is different and you're not in competition with some other person who possesses a completely different set of traits. Obsessing over such comparisons only makes relationships worse.
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Work on developing your self-esteem as your own person. That doesn't mean neglecting the relationship; on the contrary, an increased sense of positive emotions about yourself will diminish petty thoughts of jealousy and help you enjoy your partner's company that much more. Sign up for a class, spend more time working on a personal project, or spend a few nights a month with friends on your own. These things will help cement your self-confidence and help you enjoy every aspect of your life.
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Talk to your partner calmly and rationally about your feelings, then work together towards resolving them. If your partner is the jealous one, allow him to speak his mind without laughing or dismissing his emotions. Once you both have a chance to speak, look for ways of diminishing your jealous feelings. Psychology Today recommends that each partner write a list of things that make him or her feel jealous, a list of needs at the core of the jealousy, and a list of wishes that can help alleviate those needs. Then, exchange your lists and discuss methods of making your respective wishes come true. Exercises like this build trust and keep jealous feelings from overwhelming the relationship.
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