How to Leave a Bad Marriage

Bad marriage means different things to different people. Only you can decide what is best for you, not what other people think and say. Maybe it will be temporary and maybe it will not. It is my hope that this article helps you with this potentially life-changing, heart wrenching decision.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Support
• Counseling
• Journal
• Legal Help
• Internet

1. Document situations that make you feel like you need to leave the bad marriage. Ideally, this would be recording incidents on your cell phone or mp3 player, journaling or just discussing with trusted family and friends. It would be helpful to include the date.

2. Make a list of pros and cons of staying and leaving and discuss with a counselor or pastor. This should be done over a period of six months to a year to see if it is possible to save your marriage.

3. Work on strengthening yourself inside and out. Learn financial and budgeting skills if you are unfamiliar. Go to a local workforce development center to learn free skills or a temporary agency to see what you are qualified for.

4. Seek the support of friends and family. Ask them what observations they have made if you feel comfortable, but do not make your decision solely based on that.

5. Realize you are valuable and must be there for yourself and the children even if you have to leave the marriage alone, with little financial resources to start. Your physical and emotional well being is most important and the rest will come later on.

6. Find out what your legal options are. Make a list of questions. There are many free consultations and mediation services available as well as Internet communities. Have an idea of where children should live, what laws are, and what property you would like, if any. It is possible to change options later on.

7. Seek employment if you are not already employed. If this is not possible, begin to stash away a little money weekly in a secret place or keep with family or friends. In a bad marriage, this may be difficult but you will be glad you took this step.

8. Consider staying with family or friends if this is possible or a roommate temporarily. If this is not possible, seek affordable housing before you leave or announce to your spouse you are leaving if you feel it is safe.

9. Work out a simple budget on paper or on the computer. This will tell you exactly how much money is needed to make leaving the bad marriage a reality. If money is tight right now, reach out to family, friends or a shelter for a safe place to stay temporarily.

10. Purchase or obtain furnishings on craigslist, ebay, family, friends or second hand stores for your new home if needed and stock your pantry. You may have some things you would like to take with you from your home. Make arrangements to move those as well.

11. Make your move to leave your marriage. Line up family or friends to help with moving and babysitting. If possible, take the things of most value first.

12. Take the next step legally once you are in a safe place to make sure your rights are protected. Consult a lawyer, Internet website or mediator for help filing papers. If you are unsure about ending the marriage, consider separation.

13. Consider filing for community resources until you get more financially stable after leaving your marriage and taking part-time jobs until you find a full time position.

Tips & Warnings

• Try not to make excuses for not leaving a bad marriage even though it looks difficult or impossible.
• Surround yourself with family and friends but realize not everyone will understand your decision.
• This is a move you can make regardless of how long you have been married.
• You do not need to disclose your new location if you do not feel safe doing so.
• This is not going to be an easy move. It may be the first time ever in your life that you had to put yourself first.
• Never put up with verbal abuse.
• Do not fall for empty promises or give in to threats from your spouse.

Resources

• http://www.maxlucado.com/fearless/
• www.verbalabuse.com
• http://www.ndvh.org/
• www.divorcesource.com

[godfather25]

on 10/20/2009 Good article on leaving a bad marriage.

[hereishow2]

on 10/16/2009 Very good article on leaving a bad marriage. These steps really help a person evaluate the situation and plan accordingly. 5*