How to Get Your Very Own Nobel Peace Prize

Everyone and their dogs will be clambering to get their very own Nobel Peace Prize now that the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize committee has awarded it to Barrack Hussein Obama. Based on the so-called criteria used for this specific winner, anyone can get themselves a Nobel Peace Prize. Be the first one on your block to have a Nobel Peace Prize by following these simple steps.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. Get yourself a speech writer(s). Find the best possible speech writer(s). Don't concern yourself if the speeches they write for you are accurate and truthful. Concern yourself with finding a speech writer that can string words together that will make the masses swoon and hang on your every word. When interviewing your potential speech writer(s), make sure they are able to change facts and figures to match what your specific audiences think they want to hear at the moment.

2. Obtain a teleprompter. Visit your local electronic stores for a teleprompter. Contact your local news stations; you may be able to purchase a used one from them. Check online if you are unable to find a teleprompter.

3. Create an international audience. Contact the media and let them know you will be spewing socialist, anti-America and anti-Israel propaganda. Be sure to mention that you will also be promoting the anti-life/pro-choice movement in your speeches.

4. Make empty promises full of intangible, positive words. Have your speech writer(s)use words such as "change," "hope," "improvements," and "Yes, we can" where facts should should be used in the speeches they write. Use your charm and toothy smile to woo those listening to you to hang on your every word and follow you wherever you go, even if that place is to deeper economical trouble and an unsafe country.

5. Spend other people's money. Spend it like there is no tomorrow. Rack up debt. Go on fancy trips with your spouse and force others to pay the tab. Travel the world, promoting your hometown, to spend even more money that is not your own and should be used for more important endeavors such as keeping the military and our country safe, educating children, creating jobs and getting the country out of debt.

6. Sit by the telephone and wait for your call. The Nobel Peace Prize committee will be calling any moment once you complete all the preceding steps. Remain calm when they do call you.

Tips & Warnings

• Remember to stay humble. Do not let this formerly prestigious award go to your head. After the 2009 winner obtained his Nobel Peace Prize, it is possible to get the award for doing absolutely nothing.
• Be prepared for even more economic trouble.
• Be prepared for an attack by those extremist who want to destroy your country and all it stands for.

Resources

• Winning a Nobel Peace Prize

[hierocryptic]

on 10/23/2009 If you nominate me for this important award, I will nominate you too.