How to Avoid Family Discord During the Holidays

We all like to think of holiday time as a season of peace, love and family togetherness. But in real life, and with the stresses of the winter holiday period, even the closest of clans is bound to have its testy moments.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Luggage Sets
• Electronic Personal Organizers
• Airline Tickets
• Train Tickets
• Sports Equipment

1. Try to divide visiting time equally between your family and your spouse's; if distance makes that impossible, alternate homes from year to year.

2. Ease tensions arising from divorce, amicable or otherwise, by vowing to put the kids first, no matter what.

3. Find out well in advance of the holidays when grandparents and other relatives want to see the kids, and schedule activities accordingly; you'll avoid last-minute conflicts and hurt feelings.

4. View ethnic or religious traditions of new family members as a way to make your celebrations richer and more meaningful, not as threats to your own beliefs. Create your own blend of favorite rituals.

5. Invite a friend or two to family functions. Behavior almost always improves in the presence of outsiders.

6. Hold gatherings in neutral territory. In a restaurant, a resort or a rented beach house, resentments over wealth, social standing, politics or religion will take a back seat to new surroundings.

7. Recognize that you can't control anyone's behavior but your own, and try to observe the actions of others without judging them.

8. Cultivate your sense of humor. Almost anything, even other people's annoying habits, can be amusing if you don't take them too seriously.

9. Get plenty of rest during the holiday period. Tiredness and fatigue can be a sure route to bickering and ill temper, in adults as well as kids.

10. Opt out of the extended-family gathering if the tension is too great to bear. Instead, spend the holidays at home with your immediate family or friends, or take a holiday trip.

Tips & Warnings

• If you'll be traveling during the holidays, with or without family, make all arrangements far ahead of time. Prime spots such as ski resorts and warm-weather playgrounds can fill up as much as a year in advance.
• The same applies to local venues such as restaurants and clubs. The earlier you can book your family gathering space, the better chance you'll have to get your first choice.

[bmi57]

on 12/14/2007 I'm kind of going through something like this myself, Thanks for the great tips.

[BarryWaite]

on 12/13/2007 Popular article because most of us deal with this issue yearly. Thanks for the good ideas.

[JRIngrisano]

on 12/13/2007 Excellent advice. Following these ideas can help reduce stress and anxiety during the holidays. Good job.

[CCrock]

on 11/20/2007 I agree about being newlyweds and starting your own traditions. If you want to include you inlaws...take turns about who you'll visit for what holidays. And don't expect it to always be even or fair. A new couple needs space to figure out their OWN family traditions and make their OWN decisions.

[ChrisWright]

on 11/16/2007 Good advice. It is also important not to expect the holiday gathering to be perfect - they never are, and if your expectations are not aimed too high, you can enjoy the good parts without agonizing over the little squabbles or problems that arise.