Dating is founded on mutual respect, love and selflessness. It is easy to be satisfied when everything goes well, but one too many mistakes can end the relationship. Once the initial shock of the breakup wears off, you face a decision: move on or reconcile. If getting back with your ex is your ultimate goal, be prepared to make an effort. Although there is no guarantee of success, rekindling your relationship gives you and your partner a second chance at happiness.
Things You'll Need
- Confidence, patience and a will to succeed.
Evaluate your options. Although you initially may want your ex back, that sentiment could change. Consider what you miss about the relationship and determine if you still want to reconcile. Jumping back into a failed relationship too quickly can lead to a second breakup.
Overcome your grief. This is obviously not easy, but you cannot let the pain of a breakup rule your life. Remind yourself that you are still attractive, both inside and out. To do this, dress well, practice proper hygiene and exude confidence. Even if you fail to win back your ex, you can easily attract someone else if you look and feel your best.
Engage in self-reflection. Carefully think about what went wrong between you and your ex. Make a list of all the factors that contributed to the breakup.
Make changes. Once you understand what ended the relationship, discard the attitudes and behaviors that led to the breakup. For example, if you were needy, controlling, distant or rude, implement a conscious effort to stop.
Get back in touch. Wait a few weeks and informally contact your ex through an impersonal medium, such as an email, text or instant message. Invite her to join you during a group outing, such as a party.
Arrange a personal meeting. Once your ex spends time with you in a group, casually ask him if he wants to get together for coffee or drinks. Take these opportunities to show him how much you have changed. This is also a chance for some subtle flirting. It conveys your intentions without putting any pressure on your ex. Additionally, he will be flattered that you still find him attractive.
Evoke some nostalgia. After you spend some time alone with your ex, invite her to engage in activities with you that were associated with the relationship. If you used to cook meals together or go for hikes, do so again. This, coupled with your flirting and evident changes, will remind her of the gratifying times you had together.
Be patient. Do not openly ask your ex to get back together with you. Even though it may be traditional for males to take the initiative, reconciling is not the same as meeting someone new. Getting back together is about convincing your ex that there are still mutual feelings for one another.
Be prepared for the worst. Do not become fixated on a successful reconciliation. This sets you up for disappointment. Despite your best efforts, she may not want to start dating again. If all else fails, you will at least establish a friendship.
Tips & Warnings
- Do not beg to get back together. This only conveys desperation and pushes your ex away.
- Never go out of your way to satisfy your ex. If you trade your own happiness to fix a relationship, you will essentially become a doormat. Your ex will not respect you, even if she chooses to reconcile.
- Do not harass your ex with drunken phone calls or incessant text messages.
- Be prepared to move on. If your ex starts seeing someone else, do not get upset or hurt. If she decides to see other people, it is time for you to do the same.
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