How to Get Along With Your Ex-Spouse, Peacefully

It can be tough to get along with an ex-spouse especially if there were issues in the relationship or after divorce that have not been resolved. Sometimes anger and bitterness can make getting along with an ex-spouse almost impossible. But, for the sake of your children and your own sanity, it is important to at least try to form some sort of working relationship with your ex-spouse, even if you don't want to. Here are some tips for trying to make peace with your ex-spouse and keep your relationship as calm as possible for you and your children.

Instructions

1. 

   Be the bigger person. When it comes to getting along with your ex-spouse, it is important to try and be the bigger person in the relationship. Stay calm and focused when speaking to him and never fight back even if he says things that anger you. Try to think of yourself as above him and better than him when or if he tries to push your buttons and antagonize you into a battle. Walk away if you can't stop yourself from fighting back or hang up the phone. You don't have to engage in a fight with your ex-spouse just because he starts throwing 'punches'. Once he realized that you cannot be pushed into an argument, the fighting should stop. No one wants to argue with someone who won't argue back.

2. 

   Never fight with your ex-spouse in front of your children. Your children have had to go through enough with your divorce and their mom and dad living in two different places. Give them a break. Let them see your and your ex-spouse getting along. This helps not only their self-esteem and mental health, but also their own relationships with others. If your children see you and your ex-spouse fighting all the time, they will think this is normal behavior and form argumentative relationships with other people including friends, partners, and possibly you and your ex-spouse. Keeping the peace in front of your children is very healthy for them as it shows them that although you and your ex-spouse could not make it together, you can always get along and be friends. Your children will respect you both so much more for it and be happier kids.

3. 

   While fighting with your ex-spouse is not advised, dealing with left over issues is. In order to form a good relationship with your ex-spouse and get along, you should confront any old issues that have one or both of you still angry. Do this calmly. Talk like adults about things that are bothering you, as long as it can bring a solution. If the issue you have is from infidelity, a new partner, or something that has nothing to do with you directly, then it's just best to let the anger go. There are some things you will never be able to fix. Talking about them will not help. However, if you are unhappy with the way your ex-spouse is parenting, that he doesn't help financially, or you feel your children are in anyway unsafe, definitely confront the situation.

4. 

   Get a schedule of the days you both have the children in writing. Whether you have a custody agreement or not, it's best to get a copy of the days and times you both have the kids written down so that there are no arguments. Understanding what is expected of each other as far as your children is the most important step to getting along with your ex-spouse. This is also true of child support. If you do not have court ordered child support and need money from your ex-spouse for the kids, come up with an agreed amount and write that down. Be sure you have stated how much and how often you will receive child support to avoid fighting later.

5. 

   Do not try to be your ex-spouses best friend or get involved in his life. You or he made the decision to end the marriage...that means you no longer have the right to be involved in his personal business. And this goes for him as well. Make it clear that you are merely friends for the children, nothing more. What you do in your life and what he does in his life are of no concern to either of you anymore. Trying to stay that close of friends and being involved in each other's lives will only cause trouble. Someone will either end up getting hurt, angry, or making threats using the children. Nothing good can come of trying to be that close of friends. Instead, vow to only talk about the children and nothing more. Your conversations with your ex-spouse should be short, simple, and only regard school, daycare, clothes, or anything else that only involves your children.

6. 

   Never threaten your ex-spouse or react to his threats. Threats only harm a working relationship and cause anger and bitterness. When your upset, just walk away or hang up the phone. Making threats to your ex-spouse will cause him to retaliate and could make for a nasty fight. Same way if you react to his threats. If there are issues regarding child support or custody, let a court handle it. Do not go to each other with angry feelings. If you think you can talk calmly about a new custody schedule or needing money for the children, then great. But more often than not, there has been too much history and too much bitterness to deal with these issues by threatening. Threatening only leads to more fighting and so on and so forth.

7. 

   Try to speak maturely and kindly to your ex-spouse, even when you don't want to. Treating your ex-spouse with maturity isn't always easy, but does make you a good person. No matter how difficult a task it may be, try to respect your ex-spouse...at least the way you'd want to be respected. Respect will help you to get along better. Most people will treat you with respect back if they feel respected. However, this isn't always true and your ex-spouse may be one who will not be mature no matter how you treat him. If this is the case, follow step #1 and be the better person. Trust me, it will get better with time and you won't always have to put up with nastiness. At some point, your ex-spouse will see that fighting with you is a losing battle.