How to Prepare Children for Separation

Make sure your kids know they're still loved.

American couples have a 57 percent chance of remaining married, according to a 2006 article in Time magazine. For the other 43 percent who separate or divorce, certain steps are required to prepare any children for such a huge change in the household structure. Separations are difficult for all involved, but particular care must be taken with the children.

Things You'll Need

• Ending Relationship
• Irreconcilable Differences
• Children

Instructions

1. Be sure you are actually going to separate from your spouse before mentioning it to your children. Couples may argue and disagree. Issues that can be resolved should be resolved without mentioning separation or divorce if it really isn't an option. Tossing those words around as a means to get back at your spouse may harm your children.

2. Be calm. Talk things out with your spouse when you are most clear-minded. Wait until you are alone and preferably not shouting. If you are seriously considering separating, you can discuss it in a civil manner with your spouse. This will prevent your kids from hearing about it in an inappropriate time and place.

3. Be straight with your kids. Tell them the truth without including damaging facts. Although Daddy may not be a responsible parent or Mommy is a cheater, those facts should be omitted. There's no sense in bashing the other parent. It serves no purpose but to harm. Let them know that sometimes a separation is necessary when all other options have been exhausted.

4. Reassure them. Your children will likely feel anxiety over this tremendous change in the family dynamic. Thoughts of fear and abandonment may build up and trust issues may develop. Do your best to assure your children that they are loved and they are not the reason for the adult problems affecting the family. Counseling is also a good option.

5. Be consistent. In spite of the changes, maintain a routine. Drive that extra distance, juggle your work schedule more effectively, and bite your tongue a little harder to keep the peace. Your children still need two parents. Do what you must to remain an active participant in their lives so they know they aren't the ones being left behind.

Tips & Warnings

• Try family counseling to help your children cope with the separation.

• If your partner refuses to attend family counseling, try to accept it as an indication that the relationship is probably over.

References

• HelpGuide.org: Children and Divorce
• Time: Will This Marriage Last?