How to Choose Methods in Resolving Marital Problems
When it comes to marriage, most couples face highs and lows. Marital strife can arise for a variety of reasons, from lack of communication to infidelity. When choosing the best method to solve marital problems, it is important to consider the origins of the marital strife in addition to the specific needs of both partners.
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Discuss the ultimate goal. It may be difficult for partners to communicate during marriage problems; however, it's important to understand what each spouse wants. If the marital conflict involves adultery, the spouse who was cheated on may need full disclosure. This kind of openness might be painful and a counselor should be considered. However, if the cheating spouse is willing to be totally honest, the couple may be capable of recovering on their own.
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Find some clarity. Couple's therapist Mark Goulston, M.D. refers to his style of couple's therapy as CBCT or Clarity Based Couples Therapy. He explains that it is not effective for partners if one spouse has to be right or get his way, but instead is a therapy designed to help couples resolve conflicts when they are both committed to improving their relationship. Examine your marriage to determine if you and your spouse are willing to work together to resolve conflict rather than assuming a blame-based or victim mentality.
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Search for the right therapist. If you're going to see a couple's therapist, get to know the counselor and her practices prior to committing. Michele Weiner-Davis in her 2009 article, "How to Choose a Good Marital Therapist," offers several tips to people looking for a marriage counselor. She advises to choose a therapist with training in marital therapy rather than general forms of counseling. She also recommends that you spend some time with the therapist and see if her values mirror your own and if you feel comfortable and respected in her presence.
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Consider radical transformation. Sometimes you have to consider that the roles you are fulfilling in your marriage are not working. A 2004 article in Psychology Today highlights "Peer Marriage" as a possible way of modernizing marriage. In a "peer marriage" the relationship is built on deep friendship and equality rather than traditional spousal roles. Both partners may contribute financially and flexibility is imperative to the marriage's success.
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Seek advice from various sources. Counseling is not the only option for marital guidance. Books, magazines and online articles all offer a plethora of assistance when your marriage is on the rocks. For instance, the 2011 article "10 Ways to Get Your Marriage Back on Track," in Woman's Day Magazine, offers 10 suggestions for resolving marital strife. These include burning grudges rather than hanging on to minor offenses and remembering that marriage is a choice, not a trap.
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References
- Huffington Post; Couples Therapy for Dummies; Mark Goulston, M.D.; May 2011
- Psychology Today; How to Choose a Good Marital Therapist; Michele Weiner-Davis, October 2009
- Psychology Today; Modernizing Marriage; Pepper Schwartz, August 2004
- Reader's Digest; 15 Steps to Surviving an Affair; Sarì Harrar and Rita DeMaria, Ph.D.
- Woman's Day; 10 Ways to Get Your Marriage Back on Track; Kimberly Dawn Neumann; March 2011
- Photo Credit Jupiterimages/liquidlibrary/Getty Images
