How to Cope after an Affair

It is possible to heal your marriage after infidelity.

According to Dr. Willard Harley with Marriage Builders, over half of all spouses are victims of infidelity. An affair can lead to feelings of guilt, depression, anger, shock and remorse for both partners. Some couples decide to end a marriage after an affair and others choose to work things out. If your spouse was unfaithful to you, you can learn how to cope with the affair.

Difficulty:

Moderate

Instructions

1. Take some time away from your partner after the affair has been discovered. Because you are experiencing a wide range of emotions, you may say something you regret. Go spend a couple days at a close friend's house where you can calm down and collect your thoughts. Productive communication cannot take place until your initial feelings have settled down.

2. Discuss your feelings with a trusted family member or friend. According to MayoClinic.com, venting to someone outside of the situation helps you clarify your feelings and thoughts.

3. Seek marriage counseling with a qualified therapist. Marriage therapy can guide you through the steps of rebuilding your marriage. According to MayoClinic.com, a counselor can help you identify the issues that led to the affair and work to prevent these issues from causing problems in the future.

4. According to MayoClinic.com, take responsibility for the infidelity in the marriage if you are the one who was unfaithful. Avoid making excuses and make sure your spouse knows that you deeply regret the incident. If your spouse cheated on you, listen to her apology.

5. Commit to changes in your lifestyle that facilitate trust in your marriage. For example, do not become frustrated if your spouse wants to know your schedule every day. If you make the effort to rebuild your spouse's trust, she will know that you still value your relationship.

6. Take things one day at a time and do not expect your marriage to heal overnight. Instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, concentrate on the present situation. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, there are several signs you can watch for to make sure things are on the right track. The marriage should be getting stronger and focused on couplehood, and problems should be addressed as soon as they come up. You should be rebuilding trust and commitment, and you and your partner should demonstrate empathy for each other.

References

• Marriage Builders: How to Survive Infidelity
• Mayo Clinic: Infidelity -- Mending Your Marriage After An Affair
• Family Education: Saving Your Marriage After Infidelity
• American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy: Infidelity