How to Take a Marriage Compatibility Test

A marriage compatibility test is a wonderful pre-marriage tool to prepare you for one of the greatest decisions of your life. While discussing issues of compatibility is extremely important, navigating the waters of quality marriage compatibility tests can be tricky.

A marriage compatibility test can have meaningless results or be used in a harmful way if not used appropriately. This article will support you to communicate with your spouse, significant other or fiance and to appropriately take and decipher the meaning from your marriage compatibility test.

Things You'll Need

• Paper
• Pen
• Large Block of Time

Instructions

1. 

   TAKE THE TEST AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE - The first thing you will want to consider when taking a marriage compatibility test is the timing. If possible, take the test before getting engaged. (this can be done formally or casually.) If you are already engaged take the test as early as you can, before sending out invitations if possible.

   The reason for doing this is that the earlier in the process you take the marriage compatibility test, the more free you will be to accurately interpret the results. If you are not compatible with your partner and through the taking of the test you decide you are not ready to get married, it can feel stressful and embarrassing to retract invitations and cancel vendors.

   **REMEMBER, that it is ALWAYS better emotionally and financially to get out of the relationship BEFORE the marriage rather than after. Even deciding to cancel the wedding the day of is a much more responsible decision than going through with the wedding and getting a divorce or living unhappily.

   If you are already married, marriage compatibility tests can help you to grow closer as a couple or to identify problem areas to work on. For a couple who is married the time line is less vital. Consider working through exercises and marriage activities to continue to support the growth and health of your relationship.

2. 

   CHOOSE THE CORRECT TEST - A great marriage compatibility test will not necessarily be in multiple choice format. The best marriage compatibility tests will have open ended questions so that you
   can talk about your answers. Your marriage compatibility test should focus on compatibility of personality, life goals, cultural and intellectual interests, views towards education, vocation, family involvement and structure, friends, how to handle money and views of spirituality.

   *Beware of silly, magazine type marriage compatibility tests. While, these may be fun to take, they do not bring up true issues that are important in a marriage.

   *You may want to break up each topic into days or weekends in order to fully communicate your views and needs.

3. 

   TALK ABOUT EXPECTATIONS FOR TEST BEFORE HAND - It is extremely important that both parties understand the significance of the marriage compatibility test.

   People who have compatible interests have lower divorce rates than those who are not. But, that is in no way the defining part of your relationship.

   Compatibility will minimize the amount of conflicts in your household (most likely), but the most important thing is how you work through them. Take the marriage compatibility test with the expectation that it will give you insight into your relationship and whether you are ready to be together.

   Be open minded, ready to listen and realize that this is only a tool, there are many other things that go into a successful marriage relationship.

4. 

   TAKE THE TEST AS A TEAM - Be excited for the marriage compatibility test and be prepared to take it as a team. This is part of exploring your options as a couple and should be exciting.

   Make sure you are both ready to dive into this TOGETHER. The issues raised in these pre-marital tests may cause opinionated responses, navigate your agreements and disagreements as a team.

5. 

   INTERPRET THE ANSWERS CORRECTLY - Which answers are extremely important to you? While some issues you may be flexible on, others you will not want to change at all. How does your significant other feel?

   The most important things you should look for while taking the test, is how you work together when disagreeing. Look for red flags. Take your partner's response seriously. If he/she believes it now, there is a good chance that he/she will believe it for the rest of his life or that it will even become stronger.

6. 

   MAKE A DECISION - There are three decisions that can come from taking a marriage compatibility test. 1) To continue with the marriage and continue to work on and build up your relationship for the rest of your lives. 2) To postpone an engagement until one or both of you receives counseling and can sort out emotional health issues, addictions or habits. 3) You will decide that as painful as it is, the best decision is to part.

Tips & Warnings

• I HIGHLY recommend reading my article (in the resource section below), "How to Know When is the Right Time to Get Engaged."

• Keep learning throughout your relationship. I highly recommend "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman.

Resources

• How to Know When Is The Right Time to Get Engaged
• John Gottman - Making Marriage Work (read during engagement and marriage!!!)
• Pre-Marriage Checklist
• Extremely Thorough List of Pre Marriage Questions