How to Rebound from a Break-Up with a Narcissist

You've suffered the agony of a love gone wrong. You've figured out that the person you loved may not have loved you back...they weren't capable because they were a textbook narcissist. What now?

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Someone to vent to
• A therapist or someone to help you heal in person
• The ability to make a clean break with your ex
• Friends to spend time with

1. Healing post-break up is a whole 'nother ball of wax when you've just figured out you were dating a narcissist. There can be feelings of shock to deal with, thoughts like, "How couldn't I have seen this before?" Find a way to vent without gossiping or spreading rumors. You may KNOW deep in your heart that you were dating a narcissist, but spreading that around will only hurt you in the long run by making you look bitter.

2. Wait a minute...a jerk broke your heart and you're not supposed to talk about it? That's not the case at all. Talk, talk, talk your guts out. But do it to people who aren't mutual friends of said ex. Talk to family, talk to your best friend from high school. DO let it out, but don't create drama. Drama will drag you down later and tie you to your ex further.

3. You know that desperate woman who lashes out and becomes a vicious viper just because she doesn't get what she wants? Don't be that girl! It's GOOD that you didn't get what you originally wanted or you'd still be with that jerk.

4. Success really is the best revenge! Find a way to move on, otherwise you'll be locked in emotional purgatory WITH your ex whether you're together or not. You have to find a way to cut the cord to them. They've done enough damage...start searching for a way to truly let them go or they'll continue to do so.

5. Now it's time to get down to the work that will allow you to move on. Start examining what it was about your narcissistic ex that attracted you. This part of the process is painful, but its important. Why? You could have attachment issues, you could be attracted to jerks, and you have to figure out why or you'll repeat the doomed relationship pattern.

6. This is where a therapy session or two could come in handy. I'm not saying you NEED it. If we had to go to therapy every time we suffered a rotten break-up, that would add up quickly financially. But you may want to consider some counseling at a church or maybe having a consultation in an office. Find a reputable therapist who will give you an honest assessment of whether or not you may need help sorting things out.

7. Only ask questions of yourself. What I mean is, narcissists have no real consistent reasons behind why they do things. The world absolutely revolves around them in their mind and they can justify every type of nasty behavior, especially cheating. So trying to figure out why a narcissist does anything is impossible. You won't find an answer to satisfy you. So the only work to be done is on you, or...

8. Maybe it WASN'T YOU AT ALL! Maybe it just took you a hot minute to realize that you were dating a narcissist. If this is the case, vent to your friends and reconnect with yourself, what you want, and how you like to spend your time. Don't waste another second of your precious life pining over someone too dumb to see how amazing you are.

9. Don't party your troubles away. Sometimes broken-hearted women attempt to drown their sorrows. It doesn't work, it only pushes the pain down and then it comes back up at other times. (Typically very inconvenient ones.) So if you feel like living it up, go do something genuinely fun that doesn't involve bars or alcohol.

[AudreyBrown]

on 8/20/2009 Just FYI to everyone, this article was a writing assignment and had nothing to do with my life. As a writer, I have hundreds of articles on the internet and not all of them are personal.

[AudreyBrown]

on 8/19/2009 Sounds familiar. I would say return that person's phone calls or emails so you can discuss your hard feelings in order to find some kind of closure. And continue your other friendships on your own, you can't be kicked out of a group of friends. And how do you know you're being badmouthed if you don't speak to anyone anymore? Where did you get your information? If you remove yourself from the equation, who knows what you are hearing that's true or false? We're all responsible for our friendships and if you felt you were being painted in an unfair light, the best thing to do would be to talk to all your friends, not withdraw completely. Just because someone makes a decision that hurts doesn't mean they have any kind of power over you. If you want to talk about something, talk about it, don't dissapear. The only power people have is the power you give them, feel free to message me here ...

[Panda229]

on 7/10/2009 5* Great article! :-(