How to Communicate With Your Spouse or Partner About a Problem

Listen instead of trying to fix.

Even the best relationships have problems. It's important to know how to talk to your partner to get these problems resolved with the least amount of stress. Make sure you set aside time to discuss a problem you are both having, and be sure to let your partner feel heard.

Instructions

1. Don't let issues pile up. One of the best ways to avoid a fight is to address the issue early. If you let lots of little things build up over time, it's more likely to result in a fight, which is not healthy for a relationship.

2. Cool off first. If you're mad or in a bad mood, take some time to relax and cool down before starting a discussion. You never want to go into a talk with your partner if you're already emotionally distressed.

3. Don't yell. Yelling is not going to get anyone anywhere. Speak in a calm tone of voice. Don't let yourself get too agitated. If your partner starts yelling, ask him/her to calm down, or stop the discussion until you're both calm.

4. Don't insult your partner. Insults and degrading comments are not productive. Address the topic in the least negative way you can. If you're pointing out something offensive your partner does, try also to remind him/her of behaviors that you like or prefer.

5. Don't do it in front of other people. You should never talk about personal issues in the presence of others. Take your partner aside privately, or wait until you can be alone. Embarrassing or degrading your partner in front of others will only cause more resentment between you two.

6. Be willing to accept criticism. If you're talking to your partner about his/her downfalls, you might be told about yours too. Talking about one problem may lead to talking about others. As long as you both keep it civil and calm, this can actually be a good thing. You may solve issues you didn't even know existed.

7. Try to limit the talk to one issue at a time. More things may come up in the course of conversation, but try not to lay a ton of things on your partner all at once. Once the first issue is resolved, then move on to something else.

8. Talk often. If you have an open line of communication with your partner, where you can both speak calmly about things that bother you, it will last throughout the relationship, and keep little annoyances from turning into major battles.

References

• Hitched: The 10 Commandments of Marriage: 2. Communicate With Your Spouse