How to Cope With the Death of a Spouse

You need time to grieve.

One moment you're married; the next, you're single and facing one of the most painful challenges of your life. Whether the death of your spouse was sudden or the result of a long illness, nothing can truly prepare you for such a loss. However, there are tools that can help you cope with your feelings and move on to dealing with the practical matters that arise.

Instructions

1. Know that you are not alone. Everyone who is married eventually will lose their life partner. According to the most recent statistics provided by the U.S Census Bureau, there were about 800,000 new widows/widowers in the United States in 2002. Many people do empathize, and can provide the comfort and support you need.

2. Be gentle with yourself, and attend to your basic needs for sleep, food and exercise. Adequate amounts of all three will give you the fuel you need to begin healing. The death of a spouse takes a toll on your well-being, creating both an emotional and physical shock to the body.

3. Understand that everyone grieves differently. Take life one moment, one day at a time, and grieve at your own pace. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross famously posited that stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Other experts caution that these stages do not follow a set script. Widows and widowers should accept that they may experience them at different or overlapping times, or repeat one or more of the stages. This is normal.

4. Find a professional with grief and loss counseling experience, and try to write down your thoughts and questions before your first session. If you've never kept a personal journal, you may want to start doing so now. The Association For Death Education and Bereavement can provide information on these professionals.

5. Accept help from other outside sources, including family members and friends. However, remember that the death of a spouse is a unique experience. Consider joining a grief support group, as fellow widows and widowers often are best equipped to fully understand what you are going through.

6. Trust and believe in yourself. Millions have made it through the experience of losing a spouse, and so will you. Life does go on, and you can ensure that you continue living in the healthiest, most productive way possible by helping yourself now.

Tips & Warnings

• If you have children, actively include them in conversations about loss. Seek to talk with them in a productive and positive manner. Try not to rush the healing process. As tempting as it is to want to move quickly through the painful feelings, you'll want to experience the entire process to fully heal. Try to wait for at least a year before making major decisions such as selling your home, relocating or making large purchases. Remember that it is good to heal. Your recovery does not mean you have forgotten or do not miss your spouse.

• If you are having thoughts of suicide or if your sadness becomes unbearable, contact your doctor or mental health specialist.

Resources

• Read this Article in Spanish
• WidowNet for information on grief, bereavement and recovery.
• A Journey Well Taken for information on loss and grief by expert Elaine Williams.
• The Grief Blog for learning how to cope, share and heal.
• The Association For Death Education and Counseling for information on counseling, death, dying and bereavement.
• The Widow's Bridge for widow statistics.