How to Stop Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. It is psychological, emotional and painful for the one being abused. Depression, low self-esteem and fear are side effects of verbal abuse. Verbal abuse happens when the abuser wants to dominate a relationship and uses manipulation, control, threats, accusations and harsh words to make the victim weak, submissive and confused.

Instructions

1. Identify the verbal abuse that is happening. A verbal abuser constantly calls the victim names, and uses control, unjust arguments, blame and threats to make themselves more powerful and to feel in control. Verbal abuse may also be more subtle. Constant criticism, put-downs and rude jokes said in a sincere voice are forms of verbal abuse.

2. Learn how to use your voice to stop the verbal abuse. After recognizing that the verbal abuse is happening, it is up to the victim to stop it in its tracks. This is two-fold because it can either stop the abuser or aggravate him. The goal of using your voice is not to become the aggressor but to end the conflict.

3. Practice these phrases to become more confident standing up for yourself. "Back off," "Stop it" and "Please leave" are phrases that can be said sharply and abruptly. They are short phrases that can easily be practiced in the mirror or with a friend. The more comfortable you become saying the phrases the easier it will be to say them to the verbal abuser.

4. Do not let the abuser get a word in. Once the attacks, manipulations or name calling starts, cut off each attack with one of the phrases from Step 3. Be consistent and do not get into a dialog with the abuser. They are looking to provoke you into getting angry, sad or frustrated. That gives them control of the situation.

5. Place your hands in a defensive position. Palms out in front of you so that the open palm is facing the attacker. This position is defensive yet not aggressive. It is also a good position to have your hands in so you can defend yourself if physical violence might take place. Repeat the phrases "Back off," "Stop it" and "Please leave" in a loud, authoritative voice.

6. Leave the room, home or area the verbal abuser is in. Without turning your back on your attacker, especially if physical violence is threatened, find a way out of the room. Get out as fast as you can and go to a friends or family members. If the abuse is constant and does not stop, leave the relationship. That is the best way to stop verbal abuse before it leads to physical abuse.

Tips & Warnings

• Consider taking a self-defense class to learn how to deal with verbal abuse as well as physical abuse.

• Be authoritative and strong when stating the phrases to back the abuser down. Saying them weakly or with a lack of self-confidence will only add more fuel to the fire and get the abuser more aggressive.

Resources

• Read this Article in Spanish
• More about verbal abuse, emotional abuse and the narcissist
• Information about emotional and verbal abuse