How to Have Good Listening Skills

Having good listening skills requires maintaining eye contact.

Everyone has experienced a maddening conversation in which the other person interrupts constantly while checking her cell phone every other minute. And yet, those who take the time to listen to others reap several benefits. Advantages of good listening skills include increased trust, the ability to manage conflict and increased commitment from staff members. You can develop strong listening skills in every conversation, be it one with friends or colleagues.

Instructions

1. Give the person your full attention. Turn off or ignore incoming calls on your phone and don't look at your computer monitor while the other person is talking. Turn your body to face the person and look her in the eyes while she speaks. Use facial gestures to show you are engaged in the conversation.

2. Ask questions to indicate interest and comprehension. Instead of using pauses to change the subject or tie in her story with a similar anecdote, ask followup questions that reiterate information from the story. For example, "That's amazing that you completed the Annapurna Base Camp trek in just 10 days. What were the teahouses like along the way?"

3. Use mirroring techniques. Relay similar hand gestures, tone of voice and facial gestures as a way to relate to the speaker. The University of Idaho suggests mirroring techniques including restating and paraphrasing. Restating is summarizing the main points of the conversation verbatim and paraphrasing is summarizing in your own words.

4. Pay attention to what is not said in the conversation. Glenn Parker, author of "25 Instruments for Team Building," advises paying attention to nonverbal cues and the feelings associated with the person's message. Use the cues to assess when to offer advice and when to simply listen. Respond with gestures that correspond to the sentiment, such as maintaining an open posture with your body when the speaker is visibly upset.

5. Respect opposing views. Use the conversation as a learning experience instead of a battleground when discussing controversial topics. Avoid being condescending, snide or dismissive when listening to these stances. Adopt the Socratic method by asking questions related to their views instead of issuing one-line retorts (see Resources).

Tips & Warnings

• Ask for explanations on concepts you don't understand. To follow along with a conversation, you must understand the message conveyed; otherwise, you stand there nodding your head only pretending to understand. State, "I've never heard of that idea. Could you clarify it?" Though you may feel embarrassed, the other person is likely happy to explain and feels smarter in the process.

References

• Wright State University College of Business; Listening Effectively; Scott Williams
• "25 Instruments for Team Building"; Glenn Parker; 1998
• University of Idaho: Helping Skills

Resources

• University of Chicago Law School: The Socratic Method