Things You'll Need:
- Patience.
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Step 1
Avoid the blame game. As the saying goes, “when you point a finger, there’s three pointing back at you.” You could literally spend all day trying to decide whose fault the problem is. Try not to get caught up in the he said/she said rhetoric. Don’t get sidetracked by the back and forth finger pointing.
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Step 2
Stay in the present. Unless you have a time machine, there’s really no need to keep bringing up the past. There’s no need to bring up what happened 7 years ago. This will help the involved parties feel at ease because they know the past won’t be a constant part of the conversation.
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Step 3
Avoid the low blows. This isn’t a boxing match, so there’s no need to make it hurt more than it probably already does. Talk through the problem without “going there” about things you know will really hurt the other person’s feelings. For example, if the person you’re talking to just got dumped by her fiance’, and it has nothing to do with the original conflict, don’t bring it up. Remember, you’re trying to resolve the conflict, not create another problem.
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Step 4
Know when to apologize. Sometimes a simple "I'm sorry" can put out the fire. However, don't use the apology just so you won't have to really resolve things.
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Step 5
Bring in a mediator. When you just can’t seem to work it out, you can always bring in a neutral party. It’s best if it’s someone that will help move things along and keep everyone focused on finding a resolution.
Comments
Upon-Request said
on 2/18/2009 Excellent advice for resolving conflicts
sneedc said
on 12/12/2008 Fighting fair is crucial in intimate relationships, no sense bringing up past hurts, hitting below the belt, or pointing fingers....Thanks.
Gardengates said
on 12/7/2008 Very good advice on conflict resolution. Thanks.