How to Act When Someone You Know Loses a Loved One

When a friend is dealing with the loss of a loved one, let her know you care.

Losing a loved one is an incredibly difficult time in any person's life; it is difficult even for friends of the survivor. When someone you know has lost a loved one, you may be unsure what to say or how to act. Most people are inclined to let the survivor know that the person is "in a better place" or that "everything happens for a reason," but sometimes the best thing for the survivor to do is to be a friend.

Instructions

1. Listen to your friend. One of the most important things you can do during a friend's time of crisis is listen patiently and actively. Make yourself available, even on short notice.

2. Send a letter letting your friend know that she is in your thoughts during this emotional time. Do not simply purchase a card and write your name on it. Write a heartfelt letter on the inside and tell her that you're willing to listen to her when she's ready to talk about her feelings.

3. Visit him. Sometimes the bereaved starts to feel lonely and frustrated but does not know how to invite others in emotionally. Take time out of your day to visit your friend to let him know that he's on your mind and that you do care. Even if he's distant, he will realize that you're concerned, and hopefully he will open up eventually.

4. Help out. After losing someone, a person may find it incredibly difficult to keep up with daily chores while grieving at the same time. Whenever you have the chance, go to your friend's house and help out as much as possible with chores. Help do dishes, clean up, mow the grass, babysit or make phone calls to let others know about the memorial services.

5. Provide assistance financially. If at all possible, help the survivors pay for their loved one's funeral by donating money or starting a fundraiser.

6. Practice patience. You may find that your friend is numb, distant, cold, frustrated, angry, confused or generally pessimistic. These are all natural responses to grief. Even if she acts as though she doesn't want you there, your presence may be more welcome than you think. Don't press her to talk; just help her out.

Tips & Warnings

• Avoid making vague statements that could be considered impersonal, such as "It's for the best" or "You'll move on."

• If your friend is experiencing thoughts of suicide after losing someone she loves, contact a suicide hot line or seek professional help immediately.

References

• Baptist Theological Seminary at Richmond; When Someone Has Lost a Loved One -- What to Say/What Not to Say/What Helps; Daniel G. Bagby, Ph.D., et al.
• Belief Net: 21 Ways to Help a Grieving Friend
• Hello Grief; When Someone You Love Loses Someone They Love; Alisha Krukowski