How to Save a Marriage That is Being Destroyed (and how to walk away if it can't be saved)

Saving a marriage that is about to be destroyed is no easy task. And sometimes it is completely impossible. But if you AND YOUR PARTNER are willing to try to make things better, then you have made the first, and most important step toward rebuilding your relationship.

Things You'll Need

• Time
• Patience
• Understanding
• The ability to let go if it just isn't meant to be.

Instructions

1. You and your partner need to BOTH agree that your marriage/relationship is failing and you BOTH have to be willing to take whatever steps necessary to salvage it. By calmly talking about the fact that your marriage may need remodeling, you have already broken down one of the hardest barriers to break through....COMMUNICATION (OR LACK THERE OF).

2. Take a step back and really look at your life together. Is this what you wanted? If you aren't where you thought you'd be by this point in your marriage, are you willing to start making changes to get you moving in the right direction? These changes can often include saying farewell to a destructive or negative friend (and in some cases, family members), changing daily habits, changing jobs, and even a complete move is necessary for you and your spouse to start fresh. And don't expect one person to do all of the changing and adjusting!!! It took two people to create this marriage and it is going to take two people to fix it! Check into marriage counselors and therapy if you feel you won't be able to handle some of the issues on your own.

3. Learn to open your mind and close your mouth. As I said earlier, communication is a hard barrier to break through...but communication means calm and rational behavior. Screaming and throwing temper tantrums is no way to convey your point or opinion. Realize that everyone has different opinions, and just because your spouse doesn't share yours is no reason to completely loose it! If you feel yourself about to "explode", just take a breath BUT DON'T SAY A WORD!!!! Listen to what your spouse has to say, listen to their entire opinion. Then, if you still feel the urge to go all red faced and toddler-like, just smile and walk away until you can control your mind and your mouth. I am not saying that you should not have and opinion, or that you should not stand by your convictions, but allow your spouse the same respect that you would want for yourself. Anger is a horrible emotion, it offers nothing good for you or the person you are angry with.

4. If there are children involved, then maybe it's time for the both of you to start acting like adults. Think about what you are teaching your child. How are you teaching your son to treat a woman? How are you teaching your daughter be confident? Are you teaching them to be forgiving? Your marriage can be affecting far more that just the two of you. And please, talk to your children! Reassure them that they are loved. Ask them how they feel about EVERYTHING that has been going on. They are amazingly intelligent, they may even surprise you.

5. If, after you have tried every available avenue, your relationship cannot be saved...then it's time to walk away. Don't be petty! You deserve to be happy and so does the other person in the relationship. You may not be IN LOVE with them anymore, but love them enough to let them go. Love them enough to want them to be happy. And love yourself enough to find whatever it is that will complete you. Divorces don't have to be ugly. And they are NOT the end of the world. Be glad for the things that your marriage taught you, be grateful to have been able to experience it. Then just tip your hat and make your exit.

Tips & Warnings

• You may want to try an intervention for your relationship. Gather the friends of each person together and ask them what they think of your relationship...it's strengths, weaknesses, and problem areas. But be prepared, sometimes a group of people tend to get "worked up" and they may say things that you REALLY weren't expecting (or appreciate for that matter).

• IF THERE IS ANY TYPE OF ABUSE TAKING PLACE---LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE!!!!!!!!!! You don't ever have to stay in an abusive relationship. Get away!!! They can promise to change, you let them do that from a distance! Don't ever put yourself in a dangerous situation just to try and salvage a marriage. If you are being abused, that marriage was declared totaled a long time ago. Get help! Contact your local law enforcement agency, shelter, or abuse center if you are scared to leave. They can help you...it's why they're there.