How to Set a Boundary

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By jpwriter
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To set a boundary is to tell someone where the line is at.

To have healthy relationships with those in our lives, from co-workers to friends to spouses, it is important to have the ability to set boundaries. Setting boundaries with people is a proactive step toward personal health. There are many ways to set boundaries. This is one way to set boundaries with someone.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

patience
perseverance
time
willingness
need for a boundary
voice

Step 1

Identify what is important for you before you set a boundary. People have individual needs, desires, wants, etc., so it is important to honor your personal needs and values while setting boundaries.

For the purpose of this article, let's use the example of theft: A roommate is stealing money from you, you are angry, and want to set a boundary.
Step 2

Face to face is one way of communicating.

When you feel that you are comfortable set a time to talk with the person with whom you need to set a boundary. You don't necessarily need to schedule a meeting, however it's important to talk when it feels safe to talk. Begin a conversation calmly, then lead into what you need to say.
Step 3

To set a boundary, use this basic sentence structure also known as a script:

"If you ______. " Fill in the blank with a very specific description of the person's behavior that you need to set a boundary around.

Theft example: "If you continue taking change from my coin jar then ____."

"I will ______." Fill in the blank with the action you'll take if the boundary is violated. Your action is based on values and needs.

Theft example: "I will put a lock on the bedroom door." "I will add the amount you take to your portion of the rent."

"If you continue _____." Fill in the blank with actions you'll take to make sure the boundary is followed. Sometimes it isn't necessary to state this, but it depends on the circumstances and how you want to handle the situation.

Theft example: "If you continue taking money, I'll will ask you to move out."
Step 4

Follow through on the boundary that you are setting. You must be willing to have the follow through because without it, the boundary will be worthless. They are not worth setting if you aren't willing to enforce them. You can change the wording of the above, but remember to be very specific and keep to the point.