How to Help Children Attach to an Adopted Sibling

Allow older siblings to help with the new member of the family.

Bringing home an adopted child is a time of joy for most families but with the excitement often comes jealousy from an older sibling who is struggling to adjust to a new rival for his parents’ attention. For the smoothest transition, lay the groundwork for the adoption months in advance. If you’ve already brought the adopted child home, there are still tips you can try to help your older child adapt as painlessly as possible.

Instructions

1. Involve older children in the preparations for welcoming the new sibling as far in advance as possible. Unlike natural births where the mother can prepare an older child by allowing her to experience a baby kicking in the womb or a mother’s changing physical appearance, preparing for an adopted child can include checking out age-appropriate books about adoption and even books on blended families.

2. Encourage older siblings to take part in preparing for the new arrival. If you’re adopting a newborn, your older child can choose baby clothes, stuffed animals and colorful mobiles for the baby. If you’re adopting an older child, ask for suggestions for books or toys that might be appropriate.

3. Expect some jealousy and resentment no matter how well you prepare an older child for a new brother or sister. Instead of scolding a child who exhibits jealousy, encourage him to express his feelings and allow him to offer input on a way to make things better. Obviously, you can’t "give the baby back" even if your older child suggests it but you can use his statement to point out how being a family takes the effort of everyone concerned.

4. Plan special trips and events with your older child. This doesn’t have to involve a lot of money. Just a walk to the park or a visit to a pet store will make him feel special. Budget your time and if there is no one to watch the new baby so you can take a walk with your older child, schedule a fun event to take place during baby’s nap. Older children love to make cookies or just help you wash the dishes.

5. Give your older child some responsibility in the care of the new sibling. Depending upon his age, you may give him the job of fetching a new diaper for you or alerting you when the baby wakes up or rolls over. When your older child performs his task correctly, praise him with, “I’m so glad you are here to help me. You are such a good helper.”

6. Exercise patience. If you show anger over an older child’s jealousy, he will become more jealous. Instead, reassure him that you love him even more today than you did yesterday.