How to Merge Two Households

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By Sarah Wilson CCRP
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Merging two houses

When established adults decide to get married or cohabitate, there will probably be a lot of furniture and appliances to deal with from the two households. There might even be two mortgages if both are homeowners. The point is that there will be a lot of decisions to be made. Well, it is neither helpless nor hopeless. Read on and learn how to handle this little dilemma.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

Pen and Paper
Open Mind

Step 1

Make a list.

Tally up.

The first thing you must do is make a list of everything in both households. Naturally, there will be duplicates. You might even have some items in triplicate but the point is you can’t deal with it until you know what you got.
Step 2

Talk. Talk. Talk!

Deciding what to keep and what to sell or give away is a two-person job. One has no right to throw out another’s item simply because they do not like it. It might have some special meaning to that person. That table you don’t like could have been a gift from the other person’s parent or someone very dear to them. Before putting it outside for the sanitation technicians, discuss it.
Step 3

Decide together.

Compromise.

I am writing this article because I sat listening to a young lady who is getting married rant and rave to our colleagues that “he wanted to bring that ugly chair into my house”. She hated the mirror, his couch and practically everything the guy owned. The best I could tell – nothing he owned was following him to his “new home”. I suggest people learn to compromise when merging two households. You need to listen to each other and understand what is important to that person. It doesn’t matter that you don’t like it if it has sentimental value to him or her. Is it worth fighting about? Probably not. The chance is the person will part with it later during the relationship so don’t make it such an issue now.
Step 4

Sell.

Sell and Share.

Once you two have decided what stays and what goes, have a yard sale. Or auction it off on Ebay or some other auction site. You might consider selling it on Craig List but go ahead and get rid of the items. Decide together how you are going to share the proceeds. Maybe you decide that if it was your item, you keep what ever you got from it and vice versa. Personally, I would have one account. Once everything was sold, I would like to think we could agree to buy something for the house that we both liked and wanted (large flat screen TV comes to mind) or spend the money on US versus HIM and ME. Something symbolic of "togetherness".
Step 5

Donate items.

You have decided to donate some items and that is great. Don’t forget to itemize them and file it on your taxes, if appropriate. Most importantly, if you have a sentimental item that you don’t think will fit in to your new home but you don’t want to get rid of it; check with a sibling or best friend to see if they will take it. At least you can still enjoy it occasionally.
Step 6

Regardless of how long it takes or how tedious it seem, don’t give up. The task of merging two households is emotional and time consuming. Just don’t let it end your happiness before it gets started.

Comments

jmessina10 said

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on 8/13/2008 Great article!

changeling said

on 8/13/2008 This is an excellent article and I agree people do take it lightly and should give everything about merging two homes more thought and patience. Great article.

Limowreck said

on 8/12/2008 This is a HUGE issue for so many couples. It causes so much stress and puts a strain on relationships. Wonderful information. *****

luv2blog said

on 8/11/2008 Thanks for commenting, MidniteWriter. I think people do take it lightly until it is time to actually do the work. Relationships alone take work. Merging two houses is part of that "work".