How to Prepare for a Child Custody Battle

Don't put your child in the middle!

Sometimes, after a divorce (or breakup), parents will argue over the care of their children. If you know you're a better option for full-time care of your children and you're hitting a brick wall with your ex, it's best to prepare yourself for a long, hard custody battle. But before the court dates are set and the retainer has been given to the lawyer, here are some steps you can take to protect yourself and have the proof and confidence to make your battle easier.

Difficulty:

Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Before doing anything, try your hardest to work out your custody arrangement with your ex. There is nothing harder for a child to deal with than bickering parents, in which the children suddenly become a pawn for the parents' anger. Keep your cool, keep your children out of the arguments, and do not bad mouth the other parent around your children. There is no reason to stress them with the upcoming ordeal you and your ex are about to face.

2. If you have been unsuccessful in reaching an agreement when it comes to the care of your children, and you know legal help is the only way to resolve the issue, continue reading.

3. Record everything. Invest in a nice digital recorder. If you tell the lawyer your ex threatens you, it won't hold up in court unless you have solid proof. There is nothing more solid than a voice recording of your ex stating exactly what you want to hear. Hide the recorder somewhere in the house when your ex rings the doorbell or before you meet up with your ex to discuss issues. Or, put your phone on speaker phone when having telephone conversations, and record the audio that way.

4. After recording, transcribe your digital file. That way, everything is ready for court. Also, this makes for a great record to look back on when talking to your lawyer about certain issues.

5. Keep track in Excel of all the time the child spends with you, and the amount of time the child spends with the other parent. Also add notes of importance. For example, if your main argument is that the other parent does not provide for the child, make a note in your file when your ex brings over the 3 year old boy without underwear or proper clothing. Also make note of any time the child (if of age to talk and be honest) makes any comments about the conditions at their parent's house or any other concerns the child may voice. This evidence is crucial in any case.

6. Take an active role in your child's life, if you don't already. Show up for PTA meetings on a regular basis, and get to know other parents in the area that could help support you down the road. Be active in their school life by talking daily with teachers and making yourself a familiar face around the schoolyard. If you can, help out in their class so even the other kids know who you are.

7. Be aware of medical issues. If you have any concerns about the other parent abusing your child, take them to the doctor for every bruise or mark that is concerning. This way, it has been documented for later reference that you have been concerned about their health and safety enough to get them checked out.

8. Have support. Keep family and friends in the know, and use them to bounce off ideas. With more support, you'll have the courage and confidence to move forward with the wonderful decision of taking full care of your child.

Tips & Warnings

• You can usually get a free consultation with a lawyer beforehand. It's a good idea to talk to your lawyer about the certain issues you are facing in your custody battle, and they will generally give you invaluable advice.

• Check your state laws regarding recording without knowledge. Some states are one party states, and others need both party's consent.