How to Forgive

Forgive and forget, let go and lighten your load. A grudge can be a heavy weight to bear.

Difficulty:

Moderately challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need

• Anger-management Counseling
• Stress Relief Products
• Relaxation Tapes

1. Think about what happened.

2. Acknowledge all of your feelings. There is often anger lurking behind any hurt or sadness you might feel.

3. Express your feelings - write them out, talk to a friend or simply allow yourself to feel what you feel.

4. Accept responsibility for your own emotions. Although you were wronged and your emotions may be justified, it is still up to you to decide when you're ready to stop feeling angry or upset.

5. Talk to the other person about the behavior that upset you and how it made you feel. The odds are that you won't feel truly ready to forgive until you know this person has heard and understood your perspective.

6. Try to understand the other person's perspective, even if you don't really agree with it.

7. Rebuild trust in the relationship. Make agreements about acceptable future behavior whenever appropriate.

8. Make the decision to forgive, and communicate your forgiveness to the other person. Once you've done this, make every effort to move on and let it go completely.

Tips & Warnings

• You can forgive someone without condoning his or her behavior; forgiveness isn't the same thing as approval.

• Avoid a defensive reaction by first venting your emotions outside the presence of the wrongdoer - this will help the interaction to be more productive.

• Wait until you are truly ready to forgive. Respect your feelings and take all the time you need.