How to Set a Formal Table Easily

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History of Formal Dining

When Emily Post first wrote about the formal dining setting in her 1922 book, she was describing the tables at which she dined in her youth as a child of privilege during the American Gilded Age in the late 1800s. Her book described in detail to the masses the inner-circle social codes of the upper class -- including how they dined.

Post's readers came from far different backgrounds. During that period, immigrants were coming to the United States in mass numbers, and residents from rural and agricultural communities were flocking to cities, Post Senning said. For those who met in this nexus of diversity and dissimilarity, having any set of official rules proved helpful.

"The idea is that there should always be something in front of the diner -- a charger or holder plate -- so that there is never an empty setting in front of you." Daniel Post Senning, co-author of "Emily Post's Etiquette"

A second-generation Polish immigrant and a fourth-generation Irish immigrant might have wondered how to set their wedding. An employee at a glass factory might have fretted over how to behave at his supervisor’s Christmas party. People wanted to know, Post Senning said, what genteel society would do in such scenarios.

And because eating was one experience everyone shared, the table became one of the unifiers of such formal traditions.

Today, knowledge of how to set a formal table or how to experience formal dining is still highly valued. Jacqueline Whitmore, a Palm Beach, Florida, etiquette expert who consults for business executives, said dining etiquette is the most popular program she offers.

Her clients in the corporate world often ask about what to do when dining with customers or attending a charity gala. College students want to know how to behave when a job interview takes place over a meal, she said.

When faced with a formal setting, Whitmore said, there are two key tips to remember: Use utensils from the outside in -- meaning use the silverware on the outermost sides of the setting first -- and always be mindful of the host. Wait for her to use her napkin or utensils first, which can help clarify any utensil uncertainty while also showing respect, Whitmore said.

“Just be observant," she said. "What happens sometimes, especially when we’re hungry, is we become so absorbed in the food and less so with our company. I always tell people to eat something before the event, because that gives you the opportunity to really concentrate on the conversation.”