How to Know if the One You Want Wants You

Do you want me or want me not?

When you've got a crush, it is easy to spend nearly every moment of an entire day wondering if the person you pine for is pining for you too. You reenact encounters in your mind, you deconstruct conversations, you analyze text messages, you consult the Magic 8 Ball, you search Google for clues about her dating habits, you play "He loves me, he loves me not" with any flower you can get your hands on. If every move he makes, if every breath she takes knots your thoughts into a tangle of questions, this article is for you. May these tips help you glean clarity on the state of your crush's heart.

Instructions

1. Listen. Is your phone ringing? Is your inbox dinging? Is your crush pinging to flirt, to hang out and to learn more about you? Or are you the one creating all the interactions? If you find that your crush is merely responding to your advances--as opposed to initiating contact with you--it could mean that he or she is into you, but it could also mean that he or she is simply being polite. If you want to know if your crush really wants you, step back and be quiet. If he or she seeks you out, it's a good sign. If not, you'll know that your feelings of adoration are not mutual.

2. Become a body language expert. How does your crush hold his or her body when you are around? Does he sit back or lean in? Cross her legs toward you or away from you? Does she touch your arm? Does he put his hand on your back? How does she respond if you touch her arm? What does he do if you put your hand on his back? Is her jaw tight? Are his shoulders tense? Do his knees bounce nervously? Do her eyes dart around the room when you talk?

3. Study your crush's style. Pay attention to the way your crush acts around other people. If your crush is a friendly person, seemingly flirtatious actions toward you could simply be the way he or she acts naturally. Chances are that your crush isn't smitten if he or she is friendly toward everybody and gives little or no special attention to you.

4. Understand mixed signals. In the infamous "Sex and the City" episode that inspired the book: "He's Just Not That Into You," Carrie's flavor of the moment, Jack Berger, proclaimed that there is not such a thing as mixed messages. He said that a man is either into a woman or he isn't into her; it's black and white, there's no in between. I disagree. Uncertainty and mixed feelings abound in the hearts of men and women everywhere for all types of reasons. If you are getting mixed signals from your crush, it doesn't mean you should close the door completely, but it also doesn't meant you should put on the full court press. Mixed messages are a sign that your crush is uncertain: not fully interested, not fully uninterested. If this is the case, you must simply accept this place of limbo and wait it out. Only time will tell which direction the scales tip.

5. Be aware of the messages you're sending. It's true when they say that you get what you give, and if you're getting mixed messages from your crush, it could be because you're giving messages to your crush.

6. Get cozy with uncertainty. Can you find any joy in your pining? Part of the fun of having a crush is wondering whether or not your feelings are reciprocated. Don't be in a hurry to push things to ambiguity to certainty.

7. Ask. Never forget the option of being straightforward. You can always ask your crush directly, "What are your feelings for me?"