How to Survive a Zombie Attack!

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By Kimberly Buck
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Survive a Zombie Attack!

Have you ever watched a zombie movie and wondered why the characters don't know that they are supposed to shoot the zombies in the head? Haven't they ever seen a zombie movie themselves?

Have you ever wondered if it were even possible to reanimate a dead corpse?

Have you ever wondered what YOU would do if it really happened?

In this How To, I will guide you through a step by step process to survive a zombie apocalypse.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

Zombie movies such as Dawn of the Dead, Shawn of the Dead, Night of the Living Dead, etc.
Hard blunt objects
People who run slower than you
Guns and bullets
Good aim
Lighter fluid and matches
A solid place to hide
A quick getaway plan
Ving Rhames

Step 1

Watch as many zombie flicks as you can so that by the time a real zombie attack happens, you will be too desensitized to be freaked out.

Suggested films: Shawn of the Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Night of the Living Dead, Resident Evil (all 3)

Films to avoid: The original Day of the Dead. Watching this film may lead to feelings of wanting to shoot yourself in the head, with or without infection and impending death.
Step 2

Gather blunt objects: baseball bats, chairs, tables, a toaster and anything else you might find handy.
Step 3

You must choose between boarding up the house or escaping to the mall.
Step 4

Do not attempt to contact family unless you are ready to become a zombie or zombie food yourself.
Step 5

If you don't have access to guns and ammunition, you might consider going to the local Army/Navy store in town. If you do have guns and ammo, load up all the guns and get ready.
Step 6

If a zombie succeeds in breaking into your house, shoot it in the head. Not the heart, not the torso, in the head.

If you run out of ammo, use the lighter fluid and matches to destroy the walking corpses.
Step 7

Don't let a zombie bite or scratch you.
Step 8

If a zombie bites or scratches someone, that person will turn into a zombie in under an hour. You need to choose whether or not you want to kill that person now or wait until he or she becomes a zombie. This decision is made easier if the bitten individual is someone you dislike to begin with, such as an ex-husband or mother in law.
Step 9

If you make it through the onslaught of the zombie apocalypse and the government saves the day, remember to celebrate your survival by grabbing a pint with your pals at the local pub and calling it a day.