How to Help Children Deal with Divorce

Divorce is a very difficult experience for children. In order to grow up feeling stable and secure, they need the love and support of both parents, even if the parents choose not to stay together. Parents who can coorporate, share the burdens and joys of their children, and set aside their own negative feelings about one another, will help their children learn to adjust, and cope with the challenges of divorce. There are many things that a parent can do to help their child grow up feeling safe and secure, even when divorce cannot be avoided. Follow these steps to create the best possible scenario for your child's emotional health and well being.

Instructions

1. Talk to your child, openly and honestly. Children have many questions about divorce. Will they see the other parent? When? Where? For how long? Did they do something wrong to cause the divorce? How will their lives change? Be honest with your child. Reassure her that the divorce is not her fault. Talk to her about how the other parent will participate in her life. Ask questions about what she wants to see happen. Be open to your child's suggestions. Reassure her that she is still loved by both of you.

2. Accept your child's feelings about the situation. It is natural for children to be sad, hurt and confused following a divorce. Children need time to grieve their losses, and to adjust to the new arrangements. Be sensitive, and make a point not to belittle how your child feels. Blanket statements such as "It's not so bad" or "Don't cry, everything will be alright" are not as helpful as simply listening to your child express their emotions. Try reflective listening techniques. Statements such as "You seem sad because Daddy's not here" or "It seems like you miss Mommy right now" help your child express how he is feeling, and also gives him the freedom to talk about his emotions, as well. Talking about your own emotions also gives children a good role model for expressing feelings.

3. Cooperate with the other parent. Parents who work together to help maintain stability for their children, rather than those who fight and argue over when and how the absent parent will be involved with the children, are far more likely to raise well adjusted children. Work together, and put the children and their feelings before your own.

4. Keep fighting away from the children. It's normal for married people who have gone through a divorce to argue with another. Make an effort to discuss issues that cause conflict between you and your ex, when the children are not around. When the children are around be cordial, and do your best to put aside your differences. Also, as much as you may want to, make an effort not to blame the other parent, or to talk badly about the other parent, when the children are present.

5. Create stability for your child, not only by allowing your ex to keep in close contact with the children, but by striving for as much normalcy as possible. Often following a divorce, parents want to pamper or spoil children, in an effort to make up for some of the pain they feel they have caused. When so many other things in a child's life are changing it is important that the parent strive to remain the same. Keep the same rules you have always had. Do your best to keep the day to day routines that your children are used to. Start new routines, in cases where you just can't keep the old ones. Be consistent in your discipline, as well as in your concern and caring. If possible keep the children in the same home, the same school and the same day care environment.