How to Have a Social Life after Becoming a Parent
Do you ever wonder where you social life disappeared to after children arrived in your family? With a little planning and a commitment to make it happen, you can have a social life, although unless you plan to give up your kids for adoption, your post-baby social life is almost guaranteed to not feel and look the same as your pre-baby social life.
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Instructions
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What happened to all that time you used to have for socializing before you parent? Remember when your biggest decision for the day was whether to go to the concert to the movies? Although reclaiming your social life post-baby is not impossible, you can have a least a modest social life with some planning and dedication. The first step is realizing there is a "socializing gap." Many of your single friends have stopped calling you, and you can't seem to connect with other parents you have met, or you are just to busy between the job and child care to do much more than flop onto the couch with exhaustion at the end of the day. But if you still crave adult company, conversation and companionship, then take a few steps to add this back into your life.
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The next step is to think about what kinds of socializing would make you feel happy and fulfilled. Get out a blank sheet of paper and make three columns, one for socializing activities with kids (going to birthday parties), one for activities with your spouse or partner, if you have one (out to dinner), and the third for activities you would enjoy having more time to do on your own. If you have a spouse or partner, you may want to do this exercise with them, or discuss your ides with them afterwards. Single parents could have a friend help them, another parent or even Grandma. Don't hold any ideas back--even the crazy ones could turn out to have a nugget of possibility down the road.
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After you have brainstormed all of the possible scenarios for successful socializing, rate your top three and then try to imagine how many times per month you would like to do each one. How many times per month could you realistically engage in these activities without neglecting your kids, house, marriage or overspending your finances? Which of the plans could involve bringing your kids along, combining adult socializing and fun time for the kids? Which activities would you and your spouse or partner like to do together and which ones would you do along. Check out your local community college class roster or community education website to see if there are any topics that strike your fancy, such as kitting, learning a second language, or belly dance classes. If your spouse or friend wants to swap child care, you could watch the kids on the nights they attend and they can watch the kids on the night you attend your class.
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For those who are married or have committed partners, scheduling in couple time away from the kids into your socializing plans. This can manifest as couple time where you don't talk to anyone else except your partner, as in getting a sitter so you can go out to dinner. Choose activities as a couple that you enjoy, such as going on double dates with other couples, hosting an occasional adult dinner party or taking a class together that you are both interested in.
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Holding onto existing friends and making new friends is not always easy after you become a parent, but it is definitely worth the effort. The small investment you make in expanding your social circle pays dividends in the help and ideas you get from your new friends, as well as as the feeling of fulfillment and happiness from being connected to the community.
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Tips & Warnings
Write your plans on the calendar and try to stick to them, but re-visit your goals each month and adjust accordingly if they seem unrealistic.
Reach out to friends and family for child care help, if that would help you achieve your socializing goals.
Pay attention to how your kids are adjusting your social activities. You need to get out, so if they have become used to having you at home all the time, they may complain at first if you start going out once or twice a month. This would be a reasonable expectation for you to place on them. But if their homework or grades start suffering or bad behaviors start surfacing, then perhaps you might want to reconsider going out dancing at the nightclub three days a week.
If your socializing involves boozing or taking drugs, this is going to be a bad influence on the kids. It may not crop up right away, but it will eventually.
