How to Explain a Semi-Open Adoption to an Adopted Child

The concept of a semi-open adoption can be confusing to an adopted child. Understanding adoption itself is hard enough, with working through the fact that a child has “two moms” and “two dads.” Getting into the mechanics of maintaining contact after an adoption in a non-identifying way can be confusing to an adopted child. Here is how to explain a semi-open adoption to an adopted child.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Ability to adapt your explanation in an age-appropriate manner
• Contentment about your semi-open adoption choices

1. Explain adoption to your adopted child. Until your adopted child understands about adoption in general, the specifics about a semi-open adoption are going to go over the child’s head. First, get the child comfortable with the concept of having been placed for adoption before you get into the specifics of the semi-open adoption.

2. Tell your adopted child that you still maintain contact with his birth mother. Let your child know that his birth mother loves him so much that she wants to see pictures of him and hear about how he is doing throughout his childhood.

3. Talk about the intermediary. Explain how you and the birth mother found each other through an adoption agency or adoption lawyer. Let the child know that this intermediary knows how to reach the adopted child’s birth mother.

4. Show your adopted child a package you are going to send. Read your child the letter that you have written to her birth mother and let her see the photographs you have chosen for the package. By seeing a sample package, your child will have a better understanding about what kind of information her birth mother knows about her.

5. Invite your adopted child to contribute to the package. Ask your child if he would like to write a message or draw a picture for his birth mother. Let him know that his birth mother would treasure anything that the child sends.

6. Answer your adopted child’s questions. Your child is likely to have a bunch of questions about her birth mother and about the semi-open adoption. Answer her questions honestly in an age-appropriate manner.

Tips & Warnings

• Let your child know that you maintain contact with his birth mother from a very young age. In this way, there will never be a “moment” in which this becomes new information for him to process. If you talk about maintaining contact with his birth mother from the very beginning, then you can answer his questions as they arise throughout his childhood.

Resources

• Levels of Openness in Private Domestic Adoption
• Adoption Types: Open Adoptions, Semi-open Adoptions, and Closed Adoptions