How to Insult Like David Letterman

Late night lampooner, David Letterman, is known for his sarcastic style and devilish wit. Although he shares the same penchant for self-deprecation as his counterpart, Conan O'Brien, David Letterman tends to lean more towards direct insults aimed at public figures. Here are a few steps to help you latch on to David Letterman's insult style.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Make fun of a person's appearance--but not in a cruel way. David has focused his interest in the average appearance of presidential candidate, John McCain into several "he-looks-like" comparisons such as, "He looks like the guy at the hardware store who makes the keys.... He looks like the guy who can't stop talking about how well his tomatoes are doing.... He looks like the guy who goes into town for turpentine."
2. Insult a person's inarticulateness. This is easy for David to do, since he's so articulate himself. Examples include, "It's official, Arnold [Schwarzenegger] said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said," and "President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger."
3. Compare public figures. David packs a double punch when he insults two celebrities at the same time. For example, "Here's a little known fact--Arnold [Schwarzenegger] is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno" or "Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton."
4. Be repetitive. In the past, David has insulted people unintentionally just by repeatedly bringing them up. One memorable example is the 1995 Oscars, when David repeatedly introduced Oprah Winfrey to Uma Thurman, simply because he thought their names sounded funny together. "Uma… Oprah… Oprah… Uma" did not go over well with either Uma or Oprah.
5. Use facial expressions. When David had then-13-year-old actress, Anna Paquin, as a guest on his show, he openly expressed his dislike for the shy star with his disgruntled expressions to the audience.

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